40 replies to this topic

[twa]

DELETED.

Edited by INTELIDOT, 25 September 2012 - 01:54 PM.

[Cthulhu]

I like this thread. Since this is a rather small community right now, I agree that it's the perfect time to get to know each other better.

I don't know how long my thing will be, we'll see how it goes...

Anyway, I'm also really shy and shit in real life. I struggled with my weight through virtually my entire childhood, which I hated. In middle school it got much worse, because people were total dicks there, so I think that's when the shyness kicked in; I was way more outgoing before. So after being sick of public school and almost everything about it, I agreed to be homeschooled. Man, I like it so much better. I've lost a considerable amount of weight now which gives me a bit more confidence in life, even moreso now that I'm graduating high school. Needless to say, spending the remaining years of school at home with no irl friends has probably left me even more weary around people, but recently I've started talking to a few of the handful of friends I actually had in middle school, so it's a great restart. And it's so much easier to learn at your own pace, something public school won't quite let you do.

Not sure what I want to do for my career. Well, I have ideas, but I hope to go to technical school and maybe become a graphic designer. Realistically, I wish I could just become a traditional artist, but I doubt that would fly in today's economy. I still doodle for fun though. =P

I live in Mississippi, and while I really prefer Tennessee, I love the South overall. It's relatively quiet, peaceful. The music is awesome, and the food is awesome. My only problem is that...well, don't get me wrong, I have no problem with people being religious. Religion has done both good and, yes, bad things, but people should practice whatever they want (within reason, of course). But my family (and quite a lot of other people around these parts) are heavily devout Christians. Devout as in I'm afraid of letting them ever finding out about me being irreligious. I used to believe in God but now I'm an ignostic. If you don't know what that means, well, it basically means that before the question of God's existence should be figured out, we should figure out the definition of God. Clearly, that alone would be difficult; to some people, God is the god of the Bible, and to others, God is the universe itself. The list goes on, and, quite frankly, I'm sick of asking myself all these questions now. I've officially decided to just enjoy life for what it is, which consists of--SHOCKER--music, movies/TV, books, and games. And of course a shitload of junk food! No complaints so far.

Now someone else's turn, k? I want to see a lot of people post here.

[Calvary]

Okay, I don't really like being open about my life over the internet, in fact, I don't like telling people about myself, I'm relatively introverted about such things, however I can give you an overview I suppose, there are probably some whopping big gaps in the story, but they're things I chose to leave out rather than things I forgot.

So I haven't always been a nerd, it's funny, I sort of go through phases of it, it's almost tidal, some days being I'm more obviously one than others. But before I was about 10, I know I was just another kid. When I was wee, I was a wimpy little runt, I was scared of getting in trouble which alienated me from a lot of the other kids in my year who were a pretty rowdy bunch. I didn't have many proper friends, I'm also relatively pacifistic, shying away from physical violence, this regularly came to show when I played rugby, I couldn't tackle people, I'd just let the run at me, make a half-arsed effort to get in the way and then sort of let them keep running, usually this resulted in the other team scoring against us, which frustrated the entire team, my coaches, and myself, because I couldn't understand at that age why I couldn't do what everyone else could.

What launched me somewhat, into who I am today, was when I was given a PS1 by one of my friends. It was 2005 and she offered it to me, relatively out of the blue. I didn't believe her and remember following her around asking if she was lying to me to annoy me for most of the day. When I got home, there it was, it came with two controllers and a football game from 1998, there was one other one but I forget what. My parents were very strict about playing the console, limiting the time I was allowed on it to 30 minutes a day. Actually, the play station caused so much friction between me and my brother that we were only allowed to play for two hours on the weekend instead. God we used to fight so much over our PS1.

Because I'd gone most of my life without any sort of modern technology (we had a TV and a video player, but no DVD player, no network TV, just terrestrial and no consoles), it fascinated me, it still does. I love gaming because I've spent longer without it than I have with it. I also got a console at the same time I was being viciously bullied, people used to pick on me for being pudgy, because I didn't swear, I wouldn't hit back and I accepted it as the norm, I didn't know any different so I just sort of thought being bullied was a part of everyday life. I never remember crying about it, or being particularly miserable, because I was used to it, I just sort of wondered whether it would stop. So gaming was an outlet for me, an escape from reality into which I could race 4x4 monster trucks or explore dangerous factories as a blue skinned alien.

We got a computer around about the same time I started secondary school but we didn't get connected to the internet till I was about 13 or 14, I forget when exactly, but that opened up a whole new world to me, I'll talk about that in a bit. I got bullied again for another two years at the start of secondary school which fucked me over for years afterwards. I became quiet, unhappy and reclusive, spending a lot of my time in the school library with little contact with my friends (my friends happened to be the ones bullying me funnily enough). It was at the end of my first year of secondary school that I sort of lost it and tried to make more friends, I was sick of being bullied and left out. Unfortunately, the only way I could really elevate myself out of my situation is by changing myself for the worse, I started bullying these two other kids in my group of friends, I swore a lot (a big deal for little catholic me), I messed about in class and eventually I took up smoking on and off. Literally, the only way I got myself into a strong position amongst my friends was by ruthlessly climbing my way up, throwing other people down and stepping on them whenever possible. I developed a an arse-hole mentality, surrounded myself in a rocky exterior and treated some people like shit.

It worked though, I've left a lot of that behind now, I'm still a dick, but I'm in such a situation where I can switch between being nice to people as well, and I definitely don't bully anyone, I'll never do that ever again. Currently I'm relatively happy, although I've become quite introverted again, since most of my friends do drugs every weekend I can't really see them regularly outside of school, this means there's only one or two people I see out of sixth form semi-regularly. I'm determined to change that next year when I start uni though, I've promised myself to start again, a real last chance saloon to make proper, long lasting friends, enjoy myself and get work hard to get a good degree.

I think I became a nerd partly because of a coping mechanism to deal with the harshness of the real world, this is why I have two separate lives, one for reality and one for the internet, I'm more myself on the internet than I am in reality funnily enough, I feel more relaxed typing to friends on a computer than I am talking in real life sometimes, although it's changing rapidly as - without trying to sound like a cunt - even without meeting up with friends at the weekend regularly, I'm quite popular, I have maybe a hundred friends of varying degrees of closeness, and hundreds of acquaintances. I love computer games, internet forums and the odd bit of roleplay, my favourite hobby is reading without a doubt and next year, God willing I'll take up an English course at university.

So that's pretty much me, the interesting bits any way, it's a bit of a mess, but I just wrote the things that came into my head as they came into my head.

[twa]

To Gotha: Thank you guys so much for replying :'3 It makes me feel a bit closer to know a bit more. I can definitely relate with all the bullying and personality changes. Gotha, there was also a time where I tried to become like those who bullied me, but I quickly regained consciousness and saw that I was just becoming a bitch myself, so I dropped it.

I also think its way easier and more comfy to write/type all of your feelings and emotions, with nobody staring at you or judging you. It really is a blessing to be able to express oneself so easily towards others this way.

Oh and Wobin, I know what you being about people being very strict when it comes to religion. I dislike those kinds of people. Those are just fanatics. That try to convert everyone they see, and if they can't they label you as a bad person who won't accept God. Even though I'm Christian, and have accepted God as my Savior, I don't pursue people into believing in him, I don't try to change people. I just don't think thats good. I believe everyone has a choice, and its their life. Another thing is, that I actually support everything. As long as its not cruel or well, obviously bad and all x3 Like for example, religious people don't support homosexuality. But, I LOVE Gay people. Besides being hilarious (most of them are <3) Their just people. Their like all of us. The only difference is their sexuality. And so on and so forth~

Anyways thanks again boys :3

[Calvary]

Heh, you're welcome. I didn't snap out of it, I knew what I was doing, but it was a 'me or him' situation, either I get better off, or he does, and I decided to spend some time looking after myself.

I try to balance it out by being very protective of my friends, I know I said I'm a pacifist but I'll smash the shit out of anyone who tries to hurt my mates. Also, I'm trying to do this random act of kindness thing now so it'll balance out the worse aspects of my personality, without anyone knowing I'm being nice.

[twa]

Oh yeah the random acts of kindness x3 I still think thats a sweet idea. Is that perhaps a way of relieving yourself for how you were before? :3

[Calvary]

Like atonement? Sort of, but not really, I want to benefit society and humanity, in however a small way, but I don't want people to know I'm being nice. ;D

[Rain]

Heh. I like the idea of this topic, very cool, Twa. ^.^ Mine's probably going to look quite a bit different than the rest of y'all's, but here goes.

I'm an extreme introvert, blunt, cryptic and a loner. I find it much easier to talk on the Internet than in person (go figure). I've always been this way, even as a little kid -- while all the other elementary-school girls were gossipping about the newest pop star, I'd be up in a tree, just gravely staring down at the world.

I was brought up in a much different environment than the rest of you, I'm willing to bet. Homeschooled and Roman Catholic. We're one of those crazy-big families (seven kids) that ride around in a big red van. I loved my family, always will, but I am totally different. My siblings are fun-loving, thrill-seeking social butterflies. I'm the quiet one.

I wasn't teased or bullied in grade/high school. I was the girl people whispered about. "She's a little different." "Kind of weird..." "Her mom told my mom that she's so smart, she's a little bit insane?" "She's depressed." "She only wears black. I bet she worships the devil." No outright taunts, just quiet little murmurs behind my back. I started to hate their superficiality. If someone had something to say, I'd march up to them and ask them to say it to my face.

I hated high school with a passion. Last year, my senior year, I got a laptop, finally found some online friends through a writing program and began to socialize a little. It's taken me a while to come out of my shell. I don't trust easily, and I don't share my life with anyone but a few close friends on a daily basis. It's enough to make a psychologist cry.

Late last year I wouldn't have been able to talk about this, but I can now because I've put it behind me. I've been through severe depression. Self-injury, almost. Suicide? No, but I can't say I've never thought about it. Not because of my social life, but because of my family life. I'm ultra-sensitive, and living with my family has been sheer living hell for the last year. The emotional ups and downs were enough to break anyone.

But here I am now, happily embracing nerd-dom. I'm still a passionate Catholic, and I will defend my faith, though I hate preachiness. If I ever get preachy, please whonk me, hard, and tell me to shut up straightaway. I don't apologize for loving what I love anymore - music, writing, TV shows, films, characters. It's my life and I'll do what I was meant to do.

I'm going to college this fall. After being homeschooled my whole life it's a huge change, but I'm looking forward to getting out of this house and into the real world.

I can be irritating. I'm sarcastic and I'll argue a point until it's black and blue. I still dislike socialising and don't trust people very easily. But once you've gotten past the barriers I'll go to hell and back for you.

I'm a dreamer at heart and I always will be. :3

[twa]

Like atonement? Sort of, but not really, I want to benefit society and humanity, in however a small way, but I don't want people to know I'm being nice. ;D

Lol shneaky devil aren't ya? x3 [hugs]

Heh. I like the idea of this topic, very cool, Twa. ^.^ Mine's probably going to look quite a bit different than the rest of y'all's, but here goes.

I'm an extreme introvert, blunt, cryptic and a loner. I find it much easier to talk on the Internet than in person (go figure). I've always been this way, even as a little kid -- while all the other elementary-school girls were gossipping about the newest pop star, I'd be up in a tree, just gravely staring down at the world.

I was brought up in a much different environment than the rest of you, I'm willing to bet. Homeschooled and Roman Catholic. We're one of those crazy-big families (seven kids) that ride around in a big red van. I loved my family, always will, but I am totally different. My siblings are fun-loving, thrill-seeking social butterflies. I'm the quiet one.

I wasn't teased or bullied in grade/high school. I was the girl people whispered about. "She's a little different." "Kind of weird..." "Her mom told my mom that she's so smart, she's a little bit insane?" "She's depressed." "She only wears black. I bet she worships the devil." No outright taunts, just quiet little murmurs behind my back. I started to hate their superficiality. If someone had something to say, I'd march up to them and ask them to say it to my face.

I hated high school with a passion. Last year, my senior year, I got a laptop, finally found some online friends through a writing program and began to socialize a little. It's taken me a while to come out of my shell. I don't trust easily, and I don't share my life with anyone but a few close friends on a daily basis. It's enough to make a psychologist cry.

Late last year I wouldn't have been able to talk about this, but I can now because I've put it behind me. I've been through severe depression. Self-injury, almost. Suicide? No, but I can't say I've never thought about it. Not because of my social life, but because of my family life. I'm ultra-sensitive, and living with my family has been sheer living hell for the last year. The emotional ups and downs were enough to break anyone.

But here I am now, happily embracing nerd-dom. I'm still a passionate Catholic, and I will defend my faith, though I hate preachiness. If I ever get preachy, please whonk me, hard, and tell me to shut up straightaway. I don't apologize for loving what I love anymore - music, writing, TV shows, films, characters. It's my life and I'll do what I was meant to do.

I'm going to college this fall. After being homeschooled my whole life it's a huge change, but I'm looking forward to getting out of this house and into the real world.

I can be irritating. I'm sarcastic and I'll argue a point until it's black and blue. I still dislike socialising and don't trust people very easily. But once you've gotten past the barriers I'll go to hell and back for you.

I'm a dreamer at heart and I always will be. :3

Thanks Rain :3

I can relate to you too. Though Unlike you and Wobin, I've never been homeschooled, I bet it must be somewhat of a relief not to go against bullies on a daily basis :'3 I once wished that, that I could be homeschooled. But my mom wouldn't let me, and besides that wasn't easy to find here in PR. But I'm glad I didn't tho, cuss I got to meet a lot of amazing people who made me realize that not everyone's mean and that there are still nice and loving people who truly want your friendship and will accept you for who you are.

[Calvary]

Not sneaky per se, well, kinda I guess. x3

I can't really profess to understand your situation, Rain, beyond that I was a Catholic too once, now I'm agnostic though.

[twa]

Not sneaky per se, well, kinda I guess. x3

Heehee, what a cute wittle babie >;3

[Rain]

I can relate to you too. Though Unlike you and Wobin, I've never been homeschooled, I bet it must be somewhat of a relief not to go against bullies on a daily basis :'3 I once wished that, that I could be homeschooled. But my mom wouldn't let me, and besides that wasn't easy to find here in PR. But I'm glad I didn't tho, cuss I got to meet a lot of amazing people who made me realize that not everyone's mean and that there are still nice and loving people who truly want your friendship and will accept you for who you are.

Not having to catch the bus and sit all day with people who dislike you is relief.
But sometimes family isn't much better.

I can't really profess to understand your situation, Rain, beyond that I was a Catholic too once, now I'm agnostic though.

Yeah, I didn't expect many people to identify with that. I'm rather an odd nerd. x3

[twa]

Not having to catch the bus and sit all day with people who dislike you is relief.
But sometimes family isn't much better.

Oh yeah, I see where you come from. Sometimes my family would critizise me for what I would wear and the things I liked. But they slowly adjusted and accepted (well more like let is slide x3) me. And now they don't mind so much, since their all into the Asian cultures and such. My mom and Aunt understand my style a bit more that others cuss they spent all day watching Korean Dramas and such. And they have learned that there are a lot of different styles and different hair styles too. Oh gosh, my mom had a thing with my hair, she disliked how I always kept it all in my face and what not. Now she loves it cuss Korean boys have that type of hair too xD I feel somewhat betrayed here lol But its good that they realized~ Plus, now that they like Asian stuff, were all closer than ever x3

[Calvary]

Heehee, what a cute wittle babie >;3

*pulls out throat with bare hands*

tee hee.

[twa]

*pulls out throat with bare hands*

tee hee.

Ugh, I'm not quite sure if you meant my throat or yours

[Calvary]

*leaves on Twa's pillow*

~Uguu.

[twa]

*leaves on Twa's pillow*

~Uguu.

*leaves on Twa's pillow*
Leaves on Twa's pillow????
What the heck is that suppose to mean? xD

[Rain]

Oh yeah, I see where you come from. Sometimes my family would critizise me for what I would wear and the things I liked. But they slowly adjusted and accepted (well more like let is slide x3) me. And now they don't mind so much, since their all into the Asian cultures and such. My mom and Aunt understand my style a bit more that others cuss they spent all day watching Korean Dramas and such. And they have learned that there are a lot of different styles and different hair styles too. Oh gosh, my mom had a thing with my hair, she disliked how I always kept it all in my face and what not. Now she loves it cuss Korean boys have that type of hair too xD I feel somewhat betrayed here lol But its good that they realized~ Plus, now that they like Asian stuff, were all closer than ever x3

Ezactly. My mum hates that I wear makeup -- and I don't wear much. Mascara, lip gloss and maybe some eyeliner if it's a fancy occasion. She got used to dressing me up like a little matron when I was twelve-thirteenish. Now that I actually have an individual sense of style, she's kinda ticked. But she usually doesn't complain about it anymore.

Bahahaha, if my mum found out that I kinda liked Korean guys' hairstyles I think she'd lay an egg. XD

[Calvary]

*leaves on Twa's pillow*
Leaves on Twa's pillow????
What the heck is that suppose to mean? xD

Allow me to clarify, *leaves

Spoiler

throat

on bed.*

Did I get your hopes up dear? <3

[Cthulhu]

It's actually really cool not everyone's atheist here. On a forum I probably frequented the longest virtually everyone were atheists, which wasn't exactly fun. >.> Variety is nice!