1682 replies to this topic

[Affray]

All round pretty decent advice guys (and not guys).

 

Cheating on someone is an unforgivable offense in my world.

I have been with my fiancee for eight years, and if twenty years from now she cheated on me I would drop her like she had the plague.

If you can't trust the person you love, and they have proven their disloyalty, they have no business in your life.

 

I understand that it may be the first time he has done something like this, and you love the guy, but if a friend of yours was in this same situation you would tell her to chin up and move on with their life.

 

This is going to fuck your shit up for a while, which is a huge kick in your emotion's balls, but time has a magical way of fixing that shit.

It is entirely up to you whether you keep him around after this, but remember that it is exactly your choice.

You aren't obligated to give him the benefit of any doubt, and the length/intensity of the relationship doesn't change the principle of the thing.

You need to get your head out of this weird space where you are blaming yourself for what he did.

Unless you said "Hey, go ahead and fuck around with other women, I don't mind.", there isn't a single thing you could have done to justify him fucking around.

Regardless of excuse given, cheating is a choice.

[Elfie]

I feel really numb at the moment, the marathon did the trick. I'm gonna talk to my old boss and see if my spot is still open. I'm not 100% yet, but I have thought a lot and this is the time when I have to look at a really big picture. I have kids, yes, but I'm pretty strong willed, I don't need someone to take care me. I was disrespected on a very real level, by someone who should have my back. I considered him to be my best friend and he shit on that. I guess I'm not numb. I'm mad. I cook, I clean everyday, I take care of three kids. I don't deserve to be treated that way. He's still trying, but I told him I didn't want to talk right now. Being strong sucks

[Affray]

I feel really numb at the moment, the marathon did the trick. I'm gonna talk to my old boss and see if my spot is still open. I'm not 100% yet, but I have thought a lot and this is the time when I have to look at a really big picture. I have kids, yes, but I'm pretty strong willed, I don't need someone to take care me. I was disrespected on a very real level, by someone who should have my back. I considered him to be my best friend and he shit on that. I guess I'm not numb. I'm mad. I cook, I clean everyday, I take care of three kids. I don't deserve to be treated that way. He's still trying, but I told him I didn't want to talk right now. Being strong sucks

Being a strong person isn't usually very fun, but at the end of the day you will always be on top of things.

Just keep on keepin on and you will be fine Elf.

And if by some magical reason you falter, we will be here to pick you back up.

Even if we are a bit blunt about it.

[Mister Sympa]

What Affray said. Keep us in the know, 'kay?

[Elfie]

Well he spends time with the kids, we are civil. I want so much to hug him and forget it. But I can't. I feel used. Like I'm only here to cook and clean and raise his kids. But I know that's not true. I know he loves me. He's my other half. I know it. I can feel it. It's not like he leaves me at home to cheat, of ignores me, he's not rude or mean. I mean cheating is mean, but he's not a dick most of the time. But my ego and my heart at hurt. I no longer have the fantasy of being his only, the only one he looks at, or is interested in. The relationship has changed. And I don't know if I want a different kind.

[Mister Sympa]

I think at the heart of the issue is always trust.

 

Do you trust him?

 

Should you?

[Calvary]

To be honest, don't let anyone influence your decision. It's one that only you can make and really, you don't want to be five years down the line regretting whatever decision you made, in part on the suggestions of other people, whatever that decision may be. Good luck though, again.

[Elfie]

He's here now, we are decorating the tree with the kids. I want to forgive him, I want to move forward, I want our love back. Could if ever be that way again? If you guys knew him, saw us together you'd see why it's so hard to just leave. If we didn't have what we have is of left him no problem. But he fits with me. Would I find another that fits me so eloquently.. Is there only one? Ugh! Only time will give me these answers

[Mister Sympa]

I can understand how hard it is. I truly can.

[Elfie]

We talk for a few hours, after the kids went to bed. He says he wants to come home, and fix the oroblem. He said he knows he messed up and it wasn't worth it. He swears it will never happen again and it was just attention that he let get in the way. I told him that he showed that our relationship meant very little to him even for just those moments. He cried. He said he wait and do anything if it meant I considered taking him back. He asked if I'd still go to the hobbit midnight release for his birthday. I said I would. It got super late, and he has work so I let him stay on the couch. His eyes are really hard to resist. He has those chocolate brown sad puppy dog eyes. The kids have no clue, and limited family knows. And you guys.. And I'm sure Blake knows. I've been told to give him another change, once a cheat always a cheat, he'll only he more sneaky, it wasn't really cheating if they didn't have sex, it's christmas.. But I just need time. This is my choice. I miss him so much

[Bowsette]

Honestly, cheating is a no-way-back in my opinion. You cheat, you're gone. It's not worth the effort or the pain when it's just going to happen again the next time they get bored, or you don't feel like having sex, or they were drunk and it meant nothing, etc. I don't see how anyone can claim they love somebody, yet go off and fuck somebody else.

[Elfie]

That's how I usually am. But we have 3 kids together, and almost 5 years together, and more as friends. We have a lot of history, and a lot of hard times we've gotten through. So this decision can't be about pride. It can't be made with an emotional mind. I need to really make sure it's for the best. What if he really is sorry and we can successfully move forward. If I just leave, I could be losing that chance. Where as if it does happen again I will be hurt and I will leave and I would of just delayed the inevitable. What is the lesser evil. Guess what?! Getting cheated on is really awful. It feels like my heart is being ripped out. But this occasion is probably the least horrible. It's only huge because I truly 100% trusted him. I've been beaten and cheated on and then burned by a guy (aidens father) I've had a guy pick me up off the floor by my throat because I caught him cheating and he was embarrassed because I found out it was with a transsexual woman. I'm not making excuses, but I've been through cheaters.. And not that the offense is ok. But I know he loves me. I know how he feels for me. But I'm not making the decision for him. It's for me. I'm a strong woman, I've gotten out of situations alone. I'm so happy I have you all to help. Each opinion is important to me. I guess all I'm saying is, is it worth it to not give it a second chance?

[BloodPrince 2.0]

I don't think it's worth it to walk away that quickly. I've made mistakes before and the only reason I'm not still making them is because everyone around me didn't give up on me the first time. Now I don't know if he really is sincere, but if he is another chance would mean more than the world to him. Just something that really bugs me every time I stop by this thread.

[Calvary]

Willing to throw my towel in with this ^ at this point. Again, I'd say this a decision you ought to make on your own opinions...

[Mister Sympa]

If you do give him another chance,

 

it better goddamn be the last one he ever gets.

 

 

 

And make sure he knows that.

[Elfie]

I feel really loved and cared about everyone, thanks.

[BloodPrince 2.0]

I agree. I only state my opinion, but I admit that it very well could be wrong. So yeah, disclaimers.

Like I said, this is all based on IF. A hugeass IF there.
But also, if you really think about it, what are the pros and cons for each choice, and what would hurt more if the choice turned out to be incorrect? It's all stuff to keep in mind.

More disclaimers. I could very well be wrong here, but tell me what you think on this point:
I personally feel like if I was in this position I would give it another go because I would be ready if I turn out to be wrong and can just opt out this time around knowing it is indeed hopeless. However if I wouldn't give a second chance and also turned out to be wrong, this would hurt me a lot more, knowing I put it away without waiting to find out.
But then, I don't really know much here, I'm flighty so yeah.. I might not look at it right.

[Elfie]

No, blood. That's exactly how I feel. The worst that could happen is I get cheated on again, and my heart breaks. But It will heal (especially with you all here) but If I just say nah, then I could make a huge mistake. They say you regret more of what you didn't do. I'm still on the fence, but you pretty much read my mind. Idk I will let nature show me

[The Robstar]

We all make mistakes elf, it's our ability to learn from them that really matters.

 

(I mean that for you and not him btw)

[Elfie]

Thanks rob