36 replies to this topic

[Majestic]

My life is pretty depressing, with me being, don't like using this word, gay. It's extremely difficult for me to even live. I have to deal with verbal and physical abuse, there's not much you can do when a gang of 12 come over to you and threaten to beat the shit out of you. There's not much you can do when people verbally abuse you. I just have to sit through it, I hate it, I hate living sometimes. I even feel like I'm going insane because almost nobody likes me. I have one friend that I see and I barely see him anyway. I'm mostly on my own on my computer alone feeling sorry for myself. I don't have anybody to love to be loved by. I don't have anybody to interact with or talk to, nor do I have anybody that accepts me for who I am apart from one person (the person I mentioned above. I feel like a pile of useless shit sometimes. Practically nobody appreciates my kindness and generosity. I give and give but almost nobody gives back or at least appreciates it in some way or another.


The biggest and most depressing thing is not having someone to love or be loved by. I'm not like other people, I don't take part in the usual activities as other people, such as hang around with groups of girls (that way they recognize my sexual orientation) and I do not know what to say when someone says to me "she's hot isn't she!" So I just say yeah, and I don't like saying yeah, because I don't find her attractive, because I don't find girls attractive anyway. I don't hang around in gangs playing football or terrorizing people. I don't go to the shops and buy games. I don't give a shit about my "social status" i.e. getting fuck off expensive clothes and shoes, like most people just to look "cool". I don't like chatting up girls. I hardly go out because I'm worried that someone will take the piss out of me.

I've lost a lot of friends by admitting my sexual orientation to them. And I'm just not happy. Some people might call me selfish because I have all of the stuff around me, computers and speakers and things that all cost a lot of money. But in animate objects don't make me happy in the long run, yes I would hate to lose them, but they don't make me happy, I treat them as a convenience more than something that is enjoyable. This depression is taking away my motivation to continue doing what I like to do.

And now there are genuine tears of sadness rolling down my face as I type, as I worry about the following abuse.

Why the fuck is life so twisted?

[Majestic]

I'm probably the last person who should be giving out motivational speeches or life advice, but here's the deal.

You're 15. Honestly and truly you're at one of the hardest points of your life. You're stuck trying to figure out who you are and where you fit in while everyone else is doing the same thing, causing them to be extra judgmental about things that truly don't matter. People can be horrible, but that will get a little better the older you get. As far as the verbal abuse... fuck them, fuck what they say. Those people are scum of the earth; they don't know the first thing about being happy or living a good life, their opinion doesn't matter.

Life is hard. You need to remember all the hardship you're put through is only making you a better, stronger person. Fuck all their shit, you're above that.

I discovered I was gay when I was 10 or 11 TBH, I started thinking about other boys my age and you know what else. I'm not you're average 15 year old, A lot of people I meet say to my mum that I seem older than I am.

And I know life is hard, but why for me does it seem a lot harder than everybody elses.

[CSS]

Sup brutha.

I'm same age as you.

Yeah well I see some people who are bi or whatever who have opened up and they rarely get abuse, and this is in the United Kingdom so I'm not sure about where you live. First off ya gotta think: 15. In 15 years when you look back, you'll think how immature and pathetic everything is and was around that age. Trust me, you will 100% think it.

I hate to use this but; Shit Happens.

Weather it's abuse or general things, it tends to happen to everyone. Don't take it personally, they're the people that are going to be working for YOU later, that are going to be looking up to YOU later. Just keep up good grades and stuff, I know I might sound like your mum or whatever but it's the truth. Look at bill gates and Mark Zucherburg.

[Majestic]

I'm not implying you didn't know your orientation - there's a lot more to a person than that. ;p

Everyone has their burdens in life, comparing yours to theirs is pointless. You have two choices, you can be apathetic about your situation or you can be strong and rise above it; choice is yours.

I do try to be strong about it, but after so much of the abuse and mental wear of having NOBODY to talk to or release feelings to for over 5 years. I have to suppress those feelings and frustrations that I could be releasing and talking about with somebody, and they come out in angry outbursts, where I cause a lot of damage or even hurt people. I can't be having that, and nor should they.

I know I'm quite young still. But recently, I have thought about myself a lot, and I've come to the conclusion that I'm ready to start exploring love and relationships, but having absolutely nobody to share those things with is mental agony. I can't stand it. And I feel like I'm going crazy.

Sup brutha.

I'm same age as you.

Yeah well I see some people who are bi or whatever who have opened up and they rarely get abuse, and this is in the United Kingdom so I'm not sure about where you live. First off ya gotta think: 15. In 15 years when you look back, you'll think how immature and pathetic everything is and was around that age. Trust me, you will 100% think it.

I hate to use this but; Shit Happens.

Weather it's abuse or general things, it tends to happen to everyone. Don't take it personally, they're the people that are going to be working for YOU later, that are going to be looking up to YOU later. Just keep up good grades and stuff, I know I might sound like your mum or whatever but it's the truth. Look at bill gates and Mark Zucherburg.

To be honest, I don't do that many things that are immature, I don't egg houses, I don't do silly things. And I'm not naughty. In Folkestone, it is quite bad, and I was thinking the same thing as you: "so I'm not sure about where you live".

In the last year, I haven't had that feeling "How stupid was I then?!" I usually used to feel that every few months. When I talk to people that are older than me, they are surprised that I'm only 15. They think I'm older, although I suppose I LOOK 15.

[Calvary]

Also, you're at an age where you're surrounded by people who think that calling someone gay is an insult, they don't like what they don't understand because they're insufferable children. As Emo said, rise above all the cunts and ignore them. Being lonely is the worst thing in the world, I understand that, but your sexual preference shouldn't get in the way of that, don't bring it up unless it comes up or until you feel comfortable telling the people you're with, don't let it be a negative asset. I've never actually met anyone outside of my family (ugh) who isn't a homophobe, I can't believe people will treat you like that. >>

[SpleenBeGone]

There are a lot more immature things than egging houses and such. Most of maturity is a mindset, how things are handled, and how you handle yourself. That's what's going to hopefully change as you get older.

[Majestic]

Also, you're at an age where you're surrounded by people who think that calling someone gay is an insult, they don't like what they don't understand because they're insufferable children. As Emo said, rise above all the cunts and ignore them. Being lonely is the worst thing in the world, I understand that, but your sexual preference shouldn't get in the way of that, don't bring it up unless it comes up or until you feel comfortable telling the people you're with, don't let it be a negative asset. I've never actually met anyone outside of my family (ugh) who isn't a homophobe, I can't believe people will treat you like that. >>

You seem to understand more than anybody else my situation. Thank you for that. And thank you for the suggestions made.

There are a lot more immature things than egging houses and such. Most of maturity is a mindset, how things are handled, and how you handle yourself. That's what's going to hopefully change as you get older.

I see what you mean. That is true. So I would say I'm in the process of that change, because most people say (that I've met and talked with) that I'm more mature than most people my age.

[CSS]

I do try to be strong about it, but after so much of the abuse and mental wear of having NOBODY to talk to or release feelings to for over 5 years. I have to suppress those feelings and frustrations that I could be releasing and talking about with somebody, and they come out in angry outbursts, where I cause a lot of damage or even hurt people. I can't be having that, and nor should they.

I know I'm quite young still. But recently, I have thought about myself a lot, and I've come to the conclusion that I'm ready to start exploring love and relationships, but having absolutely nobody to share those things with is mental agony. I can't stand it. And I feel like I'm going crazy.



To be honest, I don't do that many things that are immature, I don't egg houses, I don't do silly things. And I'm not naughty. In Folkestone, it is quite bad, and I was thinking the same thing as you: "so I'm not sure about where you live".

In the last year, I haven't had that feeling "How stupid was I then?!" I usually used to feel that every few months. When I talk to people that are older than me, they are surprised that I'm only 15. They think I'm older, although I suppose I LOOK 15.

Haha yes I too. I guess if you have problems in your way, weather it be social problems or family problems, you always tend to come out better than before. Hence the maturity thing.

[CSS]

Oh I would also like to mention hormones. A lot of depression and anything that goes on in life at this sort of age is greatly affected by hormones and is probably (sometimes quite extremely) making your depression much worse than it actually is. You know what I'm getting at?

[Majestic]

Haha yes I too. I guess if you have problems in your way, weather it be social problems or family problems, you always tend to come out better than before. Hence the maturity thing.

I really have any family problems, more just social problems. It doesn't help that I'm Autistic either (high functioning autism I think).

[SpleenBeGone]

Right, but being more mature than someone your age can still leave a lot of room for growth. Not to say that things you do now, and that happen to you won't mater in the future, but from my own personal experience the won't matter nearly as much as you thing, and life will get much easier.

[Champion of Cyrodiil]

It's also a good idea to look at how you present yourself. I AM NOT SAYING OTHER PEOPLE ARE JUSTIFIED IN TREATING YOU POORLY. I grew up in a boarding all male military school and later joined the marine corp. Believe me when i tell you, I understand stress. People will always treat you for better or for worse, but it is how you think about yourself and your motivation to succeed regardless of the sacrifice that really matters. I have had a few gay and bi male friends over the years. Some were in very interesting situations in that it was acceptable for them to search cars for bombs, but it wasnt okay for them to be honest with their sexuality. (Dont ask, dont tell policy, now lifted by Obamas administration!). Just like being a minority you will have certain challenges to deal with that the majority wont. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can start doing something about it.


Here are some tips to help you get out of your situation.
1.) Personal Appearance. You dont have to have the newest brands. But make sure you are wearing clean clothes, practicing good hygiene, and have a decent hair style that is "you". People will treat you differently depending how you look. Also, people with similar orientation will actually find you more attractive if you care about how you look.

2.) Be active in your community. This can be tough if you live in an area where there are not a lot of options. School is not the only place you should be meeting friends. Try to find other things going on in your area where you can meet people from other schools.

3.) Think positive. It's just like, 'you are what you eat'. You are what you think. If you think about things negatively, it will pay its toll on you.

4.) Carry yourself the way you want to be treated. Chin up, shoulders back, chest slightly out. Try to have good posture often. People subconsciously make judgements based on how you stand, walk etc.

5.) Eat healthy, sleep well, drink lots of water.

6.) Read more about psychology. Think about things a little deeper than you normally would. Robert Greene is a great author who wrote 'The 48 Laws of Power'. http://www2.tech.pur...ws_of_power.htm

7.) Learn to laugh and smile more if you dont.

[CSS]

Right, but being more mature than someone your age can still leave a lot of room for growth. Not to say that things you do now, and that happen to you won't mater in the future, but from my own personal experience the won't matter nearly as much as you thing, and life will get much easier.

[twa]

Echo, Echo, Echo, Echo. My dear, I understand you so very well. I won't go out and say that I'm gay, but I understand. For a different yet similar reason. Let me explain:

When I was in high school, actually ever since I started going to school at all, I have always been bullied. For ever little thing I would do. Bullied. For being a geek, for being a tad heavier and taller than other girls, for liking what I liked, for being me. I was always bullied. I had my share of friends, that made me laugh and brightened up my day, but that didn't change anything. I always had to go through the same torture every day of being called names, pushed at the wall, thrown things and even got physically hurt to the point where there was even police involved, but that's another story of its own. The thing I want to tell you, is that the reason I know how you feel is because even though I'm not gay, I'm androgynous. What that basically means is that I pretty much look like both genders without necessarily trying. It is true that I cross dress (and thats also another story that I'd be happy to tell if you ask) but even so, I have the physical appearance of both a male and a female. As a girl. I fail to be one. I fail to complete society's expectations of a woman. I disappoint my family members, my mom, whose opinion matters the most to me and always ends up hurting me at the same time.

I've been confused for a lesbian woman and a homosexual man so many times, I've lost count. I don't particularly mind it, because I cross dress. But the look on people's faces when they realize what I actually am, hurts a lot. Because you get to see how they change and drift away from you, as you just stand there, feeling awkward and sad for yourself. And sometimes even ashamed of what you are and wish you could just be like everyone else in order to be loved and accepted. But you know what? Screw them.They don't decide what you do with your life. They don't get a say in what you want to accomplish and they certainty can't stop you from being you.

Oh, and as for the love part? Screw that also. Its true that we all sometimes feel like we need that bond. I've felt it too. But the truth is, that we can survive without that romantic side to our lives. We just need to surround ourselves with the people we find that feel the same way as we do and you'll see that everything will be alright. Just stay calm and hang in there sweetie. *HUGS*

Please, watch this if you haven't already.

http://www.youtube.c...h?v=4a4MR8oI_B8

[CSS]

In addition to INTELIDOT,

This is also a awesome love movie.

I hope it's the right one, if not, that's a little embarrassing. lol.

[Calvary]

Oh that's guaranteed to cheer everyone up. The moral of the story, everyone you love will die. xD

[Majestic]

Echo, Echo, Echo, Echo. My dear, I understand you so very well. I won't go out and say that I'm gay, but I understand. For a different yet similar reason. Let me explain:

When I was in high school, actually ever since I started going to school at all, I have always been bullied. For ever little thing I would do. Bullied. For being a geek, for being a tad heavier and taller than other girls, for liking what I liked, for being me. I was always bullied. I had my share of friends, that made me laugh and brightened up my day, but that didn't change anything. I always had to go through the same torture every day of being called names, pushed at the wall, thrown things and even got physically hurt to the point where there was even police involved, but that's another story of its own. The thing I want to tell you, is that the reason I know how you feel is because even though I'm not gay, I'm androgynous. What that basically means is that I pretty much look like both genders without necessarily trying. It is true that I cross dress (and thats also another story that I'd be happy to tell if you ask) but even so, I have the physical appearance of both a male and a female. As a girl. I fail to be one. I fail to complete society's expectations of a woman. I disappoint my family members, my mom, whose opinion matters the most to me and always ends up hurting me at the same time.

I've been confused for a lesbian woman and a homosexual man so many times, I've lost count. I don't particularly mind it, because I cross dress. But the look on people's faces when they realize what I actually am, hurts a lot. Because you get to see how they change and drift away from you, as you just stand there, feeling awkward and sad for yourself. And sometimes even ashamed of what you are and wish you could just be like everyone else in order to be loved and accepted. But you know what? Screw them.They don't decide what you do with your life. They don't get a say in what you want to accomplish and they certainty can't stop you from being you.

Oh, and as for the love part? Screw that also. Its true that we all sometimes feel like we need that bond. I've felt it too. But the truth is, that we can survive without that romantic side to our lives. We just need to surround ourselves with the people we find that feel the same way as we do and you'll see that everything will be alright. Just stay calm and hang in there sweetie. *HUGS*

Please, watch this if you haven't already.

Wow, that's pretty moving, thanks for showing me that video.

[twa]

Yeah, no. That Up video doesn't really mean anything in this topic. Anyways..

Wow, that's pretty moving, thanks for showing me that video.

You're welcome. I hope it helped.

Edited by INTELIDOT, 07 November 2012 - 02:04 PM.