22 replies to this topic

[Bowsette]

I want to post this

Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled.E

Ezekiel 23:19-21

[(V) (`m`) (V) ︵ ┻━┻]

Awesome.

That and just anything from Leviticus.

[RainKamelot]

The Bible is a great bedtime story.

[SpleenBeGone]

The bible could make a great porn.

[RainKamelot]

Again. Great BEDtime story.

[Bowsette]

Mark 11:13-14.

Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. Then he said to the tree, "May no one ever eat fruit from you again." And his disciples heard him say it.

Matthew 21:19-22.

Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, "May you never bear fruit again!" Immediately the tree withered. When the disciples saw this, they were amazed. "How did the fig tree wither so quickly?" they asked. Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

Don't disobey Jesus. Even if you're a tree or a mountain, you don't fuck with the son of God.

[RainKamelot]

So Jesus wanted food, and instead of telling the Fig to grow some figs, he damned it to eternal hell. Good Guy Jesus.

[Calvary]

I read the whole Bible except for Psalms back when I was a Catholic. It was pretty good if you're into romance and war. But when I started referencing it and I generally started to think I was going to Hell, despite the fact I was just turning 16 fucking years old, I began to loathe myself and my religion. It's a powerful tool. Now I see these and think, how the fuck did I let a book take over so much of my life:

Zechariah 6:7 (New International Version)
When the powerful horses went out, they were straining to go throughout the earth. And he said, "Go throughout the earth!" So they went throughout the earth.

Acts 20:9 (New Living Translation)
As Paul spoke on and on, a young man named Eutychus, sitting on the windowsill, became very drowsy. Finally, he fell sound asleep and dropped three stories to his death below.

[RainKamelot]

Acts 20:9 (New Living Translation)
As Paul spoke on and on, a young man named Eutychus, sitting on the windowsill, became very drowsy. Finally, he fell sound asleep and dropped three stories to his death below.

So he bored him to death?

[Calvary]

Yup. It's my favourite verse in the whole NLT.

[RainKamelot]

That, is, beautiful.

[Calvary]

I know! I cry a little.

[RainKamelot]

It's so moving. To the floor. Three stories below.

[Bowsette]

Deuteronomy 22:23-25

If a man happens to meet in a town a virgin pledged to be married and he sleeps with her, you shall take both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to death--the girl because she was in a town and did not scream for help, and the man because he violated another man's wife. You must purge the evil from among you. But if out in the country a man happens to meet a girl pledged to be married and rapes her, only the man who has done this shall die.

[RainKamelot]

Death is bound to happen either way to the rapist.

[Calvary]

Funny, it sounds like your average news bulletin in your average Islamic country.


Ooooh.

[RainKamelot]

Women have no need to be out in the town. Unless accompanied by a man.

[Calvary]

MightyDamsels is gonna love you.

[RainKamelot]

Not my fault that's what that says basically.
I mean I bend over for some guys.

[Cthulhu]

AW MAN you beat me to the "Jesus vs. the fig tree" story.

However, I'll share something else notable--Matthew 8:28-34.

When He arrived at the other side in the region of the Gadarenes, two demon-possessed men coming from the tombs met Him. They were so violent that no one could pass that way. “What do you want with us, Son of God?” they shouted. “Have you come here to torture us before the appointed time?”

Some distance from them a large herd of pigs was feeding. The demons begged Jesus, “If you drive us out, send us into the herd of pigs.”

He said to them, “Go!” So they came out and went into the pigs, and the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the lake and died in the water. Those tending the pigs ran off, went into the town and reported all this, including what had happened to the demon-possessed men. Then the whole town went out to meet Jesus. And when they saw Him, they pleaded with Him to leave their region.

TL;DR: Jesus casted demons out of a couple of guys and into pigs, who killed themselves as a result. Good Guy Jesus indeed.

Also, didn't Paul revive the guy who fell?