49 replies to this topic

[Bowsette]

So I just went to the bathroom. This was not a good idea.

So I open the door, and on the back wall I can see this black splotch. Can't really tell what it is as the light's off, so I turn it on and bam. A fucking spider about an inch long is sat there. Remember, it's almost 5AM, seeing that freaks me out. But I think okay calm down, it's a spider. An ugly one, but it's a spider. It's on the wall far away from the toilet. No big deal, ignore it and it'll ignore you. So I close the door and keep my eye on it, because I fucking hate big spiders.

Anywho, I hear this tapping noise. I thought it was my cat, as she seems to enjoy watching me go to the bathroom, so as I go to check the door my eyes drop to the floor and there's a giant (maybe 3 inches or so) spider running along. Now this fucking freaks me out because fuck it, it's moving, it's near my feet which means it's near ME which means it's going to kill me and lay eggs inside me and I'll become some kind of freakish arachnid concubine. So I let out this pitiful fucking "eep" noise and dash for the toilet roll because I'm not gonna squash it with my bare foot or some shit and get spider guts on me. Now I have toilet roll I'm prepared, I am a warrior. Tapping tapping tapping but it's gone.

Looking for it. I am not dropping my pants while some kinda creepy-ass thing like that's still roaming the room, I'm paranoid it'll act like a candiru and swim up my piss or something, so I'm looking everywhere. Notice two smaller ones, one on the door itself, and one kinda squeezing into the side of the door-frame. Squish, splat. They may be smaller but still. They're the same colour as the big one so they all have to die. I sound like a spider Hitler, but still. Toss the dead remains in the toilet bowl and go for more tissue paper.

There's one sat on it. Now comes a dilemma. I need the tissue paper in order to get rid of the spider, but I need to get rid of the spider before I get the tissue paper. Lack of clothing means I can't beat it with a sleeve or sock or anything. As a result, a towel. Slap it with the towel and grab more paper. Squish it, victory dance. There's only the big fucker left, and the one sat on the wall. Kill the one on the wall. Flush remains and continue the hunt. Looking looking looking

taptaptaptaptaptap

Watch the big one dash towards the sink. Fuck it, take the entire roll off the thing and throw it. SPLAT. But it wasn't a direct hit, oh no. I just broke some of its legs. Now it's just dragging itself along like a fucking zombie. WHY ARE SPIDERS WEIRD so reobtain the toilet roll and finish the job.

Notice the runt of the litter sat in the corner of the ceiling. It has just watched as I've killed its (seemingly) entire family. Grab toilet brush and smash it to pieces, because fuck the chance of it taking revenge on me at a later date. Then, and only then, do I scout the rest of the room. Check EVERY hiding place, every little crack, nook, cranny, hole, wedge.

Scariest thing ever is having all that happen and then still having to use the bathroom. The stark realisation that I'm taking a leak on a mass grave makes me feel strange. But again, fuck it. I was endangered, and I protected myself.

I don't want to sleep now. ._. I need a hug.

Worst part was I went in there ten minutes prior to this event unfolding and NOTHING WAS THERE. Fuck I hate how they just appear like that. Fucking voodoo magic or something, teleportation bullshit.

Wah. ._.

[(V) (`m`) (V) ︵ ┻━┻]

They must have read your posts here and thought it was cool to chill with you.

http://nerdforum.org...spiders__st__20

Spider tease.

[Krankykoala]

Hey your right!

What gives Xiao. Leading them on like that then committing genocide on them!

[Rejected]

hi, since this is a big post, lets be honest, after reading the first few sentences i realized that

Maybe if u kept it simple, someone would

[Bowsette]

They must have read your posts here and thought it was cool to chill with you.

http://nerdforum.org...spiders__st__20

Spider tease.

Well

yes well wolf spiders are one spider that will actually attack a human. rather than generally only acting in defense like most spiders. luckily they are not poisonous enough to harm a human though so its not that big a deal. mean little bastards though. It's funny because i have read research papers that say only the ones that live in the south are aggressive. i guess were just lucky like that

Plus when they're all conspiring against you in a big bundle of ick watching from all sides ._. I like spiders when they're not near me.

[Cthulhu]

hi, since this is a big post, lets be honest, after reading the first few sentences i realized that

Maybe if u kept it simple, someone would

I think you'd care if you were in OP's position. Coz, y'know, spiders suck.

[Rejected]

lol, maybe, but i would not write a book about it

[SpleenBeGone]

I laughed really hard at your terror, I'm sorry. >.>

hi, since this is a big post, lets be honest, after reading the first few sentences i realized that

Maybe if u kept it simple, someone would

Don't be a dick. There's nothing wrong with a long post.

[Bowsette]

Now that it's over I find it funny too, but at the time (and while writing it, because I decided to look up pictures of spiders to determine what it was) I was basically tripping balls, man.

[Calvary]

To be honest there's more quality and substance in that one post of Xiao's than your last twenty, so don't complain.

That sounds absolutely terrifying, Xiao. I can't deal with one spider but it generally sounds like they were out to get you. Street corner thug style. I know I would have frozen up or jumped into the bath/shower and hid until the morning.

[Bowsette]

They might be hiding in the plughole though. Thought process was basically kill them all before they kill me. No survivors. No exposing myself to attacks from hidden places.

Fuck, I never did check the drain in the bathtub. I just know there's gonna be a set of eyes peering out of it now.

[SpleenBeGone]

Now that it's over I find it funny too, but at the time (and while writing it, because I decided to look up pictures of spiders to determine what it was) I was basically tripping balls, man.

Haha, yeah I know what you mean. I woke up with a wolf spider staring at me one night, threw everything off the bed and slept on the couch. >.>

[Bowsette]

I haven't slept yet. I was just snuggling down at ~7:30 when my mom decided to tell me I need to look after my grandfather today, and so to wake up early. My initial plan was to sleep until around midday, but nope.

Some time ago a large brown spider crawled on my shoulder while I was in bed. Needless to say I screamed, hit the lights and trapped it in a box. Didn't even open it to let it free, just tossed the whole box in the trash.

Bad idea, in hindsight. It was the box for my DS Lite. lol.

[SpleenBeGone]

Who needs sleep, right?

Haha, just hope you don't need to return it.

[Bowsette]

Pfah, sleep is for zzzzzzzz...........

Seriously though. I have to work tonight on no sleep. Fuck the world and fuck spiders.

[Rejected]

sorry, but i dont like reading

[EN4CER]

Yeah, I am not a spider fan in the least... I own snakes, lizards, dogs, and cats. I'm fine with them all, but my mother in law owns spiders... scares the living sh*t out of me ! So much so that I will only go into her house on special occasion and she has to lock them in a sliding glass door room... So if they escape, I'm still safe.

She has those banana spiders. . . F' a inch or two, things a foot wide! Not cool!

[Calvary]

Hrmm, if you want to try a drink that'll help keep you awake, and you don't mind coffee, try this:

add 3 teaspoons of cocoa powder,
one teaspoon of instant coffee,
1/4 teaspoon of nutmeg,
1/4 teaspoon of cinnamon,
into a mug, add a little milk, whisk it up into a paste, then add the rest of the milk and whisk again, put in a microwave for 1 1/2 minutes but make sure it doesn't boil over. Then drink.

I just made myself some, it's good for sleeping and it calms nerves. =)

E: Strange you'd join a forum then, H4L, where you have to read peoples posts. Also I thought you were a writer?

[SpleenBeGone]

Pfah, sleep is for zzzzzzzz...........

Seriously though. I have to work tonight on no sleep. Fuck the world and fuck spiders.

sorry, but i dont like reading

Then just don't say anything. No reason to be rude.

Yeah, I am not a spider fan in the least... I own snakes, lizards, dogs, and cats. I'm fine with them all, but my mother in law owns spiders... scares the living sh*t out of me ! So much so that I will only go into her house on special occasion and she has to lock them in a sliding glass door room... So if they escape, I'm still safe.

She has those banana spiders. . . F' a inch or two, things a foot wide! Not cool!

Oh man those things are awesome. I have them all around my house, they eat all the bugs and smaller spiders. Not that I'd ever want to see one in my house though. >.>

[Bowsette]

My friends don't take pity on me.

Phossix Strider says
Woah
How many spiders do you think crawl into your mouth at night then?
Xiaolian Yue says
eep
Phossix Strider says
http://answers.yahoo...10224630AA801Os
Lawl.
Has a spider ever crawled up YOUR vagina? xD
Xiaolian Yue says
I hope not,
Phossix Strider says
Like
Woah
What if like
It laid eggs in there.
And like
The spiders crawled back out.
And those were the ones you saw last night.
That makes you their mother then.
Xiaolian Yue says
Jesus christ

Also ew, coffee. The only caffeine that passes these lips comes from energy drinks.