thank you Gol~ and Robstar, i know it's not something that will magicly fix, and for dealing with talking irl to others i've started to make class friends in collage, and going to the local cardstore for gaming to meet people
i mainly posted here just becasue it let me vent everything i was feeling, wasnt trying to replace being social in real life with the internet, as much as i wish that worked haha. it was great to have such a quick responce to what i said though, and it did cheer me up so thanks
p.s as for crutches, i play too many card games and warhammer to be able to afford to smoke, take drugs or drink alot of alchole, so i'll be okay ;D