My advice, in four bullet points:
1. Command respect (show respect to others but, most importantly, have respect for yourself)
2. Set expectations (expectations for how you will be respected, what you value, where you draw the line and what kind of conduct is appropriate)
3. Make the effort
4. Be honest, respectful and direct in communicating your interest and expectations
I am being a hypocrite in writing this post, truthfully, because, it's not really for me to tell men how to be men. But, I will tell you, from a woman's perspective what works. How successful you are depends on how serious you are about putting in the effort. All things are work. Especially women (people, in general).
FROM MY (A FEMALE) PERSPECTIVE:
The best thing you could do, is start reading about game. It's not pretty to say so but, it works. It works because, it speaks to the true nature of men and women in ways we either don't want to acknowledge or ways in which we feel like it's not socially acceptable to acknowledge. Davis Aurini (YouTube) offers some good advice (don't listen to the garbage people say about him, whether you agree with his politics or not). If sex is all you're after, it's had, readily enough. If love is what you want, you gotta frame it in a correct understanding of the sexes.
Most of our actions are motivated by biology. Period. Women look for men to be the authority figures, protectors, providers, and guidance. Even a woman who is truly strong, independent and, self-accountable will engage with her man by taking a little bit of direction from him. Biology. You gotta act the part. Recognize mental instability for what it is but, drop the stigma of "daddy issues" and understand that if you want a woman's love, you have to exude a presence that commands authority. That does not mean be controlling or abusive. Recognize the difference. That is the nature of the psyche of women. They desire men who are authoritative, mature, responsible, (parental) whatever you want to call it.
You need to have standards of self-respect and, you need to be respectable. Because, if a woman doesn't respect you, she CANNOT love you. And, there isn't enough money in the world that can put her disgust out of her mind or heart when she's with a man she doesn't respect. She can only fake it until she finds a good divorce attorney.
Referring to people in general, if you give them an inch, they'll take a mile. When my ugly side has reared its head in past relationships, as soon as my boyfriend did something that cost him some of my respect, I wanted to punish him for it. It was like a knee-jerk reaction. It was primal. And, grotesque. I'm not proud of it, in the least but, it was like nature was calling me to serve justice upon him for being unworthy--for being less than a man. That's when women turn evil. Sad but true.
You need to have goals. You need to have a job. Be prepared to be the bread-winner. I'm not suggesting you are obliged to go take up someone else's yoke or be someone's slave. Gold-diggers are an ever-present threat you need to watch for. BUT, JOBS AND GOALS MAKE YOU RESPECTABLE.
I want to address the necessity for the man to be the bread-winner in a little more detail. Most people see that and think, superficial, high-maintenance, blood-sucking parasite. While that is a realistic possibility, that's not entirely fair. You need to find a woman who is willing to meet you half-way, but, you should want to be the provider. It's about effort more than it is about capital. Even a woman who isn't looking for a meal ticket needs you to be the "provider." You should want to take your girlfriend out. If you can't afford to take her to a sit-down restaurant, take her to sonic during happy hour. Buy frozen burritos and Twinkies and take her on a crappy but sweet picnic lunch. If you are making an effort and acting like you WANT to treat her, what you do for her, within your means, should be irrelevant. It's the gesture. If the genuine gesture isn't good enough, dump her. But, that gesture matters. She needs to see the effort. She needs to feel like you think she's worth the effort because, a man who doesn't put forth the effort communicates no interest. And, disinterest = rejection. Don't expect a woman to keep coming back for rejection. And, having to court a man is a turn-off, sooner or later.
When you get a little older, and you're looking at a serious long-term prospect, understand, from a woman's perspective, that if she has to be the bread-winner, she's on her own AND, now you're a dependent. That feels like an anchor around her neck. Meeting you half-way is one thing but, a woman having to shoulder the brunt is a sinking ship. One of nature's unfair double-standards, I'm sorry. Please spare me the anecdotal evidence to the contrary.
But, someone who is equally willing to work for you is important to a loving relationship. Setting standards for how a woman meets you half-way is crucial because, it allows you to have a line in the sand for knowing when she's starting to take advantage and, nobody deserves that.
Outwardly, few would peg me for a nerd. I'm a science nerd and, pretty old-school. I believe in holding myself accountable and being open to being held accountable by my significant other (however hard to swallow that may be in practice). I believe in 50-50 give and take. I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt and, while I have a very giving nature, I believe I am responsible for what I choose to do. So, I am responsible for being mindful of men who would use me and knowing where to draw the line. I recognize that I can't just find any poor victim and try to change him into the man I want him to be. I seldom even meet people who interest me. But, when I do, I recognize I have to like them for who they are, and know when to walk away. If you are into gaming, that's cool. If gaming is your whole life and you can't hold a conversation about anything else, not cool. If you don't want to have conversations about anything else and feel you shouldn't have to, good luck with that. Understand the line where confidence becomes arrogance and comes off as insulting to others. There is no shame in being gracious. The only way you can hone a skill is to actively try to better yourself. There's no shame in trying to learn to be more charismatic. Charisma goes a long way in all areas of life. If you can muster a little charm, be forward. Make an effort. Make an effort with no strings attached (being prepared to cut your losses if it doesn't go over and move on, with no hard feelings -- easier said than done but, a good life skill). It's like, giving wanting nothing in return. Don't turn around and begrudge someone for what you elected to do of your own free will. Women notice the guy who makes an effort. Work towards being a better conversationalist. Anyone who can keep the conversation flowing alleviates many of the pitfalls where awkwardness, nervousness and shyness would drive a wedge between two people who might have more in common that what they would expect.
Crap on this, hate on it, rip it apart or, whatever. Share your thoughts or don't. This is based on real experiences. For what it's worth.
