Half of the reason I learn anything new is so that I can hold my own in a debate should I need to, especially religious facets.
Religious folk never seem to expect someone like me to be as knowledgeable about their own beliefs as I tend to be.
Which is odd, because atheists on average are better informed on the workings and teaching of the main religions than those who practice them.
So, the things with the Pastor is this.
Me and my fiancee are getting married in October of this year and we need to find an officiant.
Neither of us want a religious ceremony of any kind, but we decided to contact the Pastor of the church that her family goes to about doing the ceremony at our wedding.
We sent him an email inquiring asking if he did non-denominational ceremonies, to which he said he didn't know what that meant.
That immediately sent up a flare in my head as to how terrible this idea was turning, and then he says he wants us to come in for a meeting about it.
So we go to his church yesterday for this meeting, go downstairs, and sit at a table.
He starts by asking us what we want the ceremony to be like and what we imagine the day being like, which is pretty normal for someone who is potentially doing a ceremony to ask, so far so good. Then he asks us what we mean by "non-denominational", and I say "A ceremony that does not adhere to any religion or belief system. So we don't want any prayers, scripture, or mention of God or the Lord's blessing.". Which is where things get a bit hairy.
He tells us that non-denominational implies that there isn't a specific denomination applied to the ceremony, but that there is a general religious overtone to it.
I repeat that we want a ceremony that has no religious aspects because that isn't who we are.
Then I tell him that the reason we asked him if he was willing to do a non-religious ceremony was because if the family ties on her side of things and that it would mean something to them, and that if he wasn't interested or able then we have a backup Minister waiting in the wings.
Then he just flat out asks us what our beliefs are and why we are opposed to a good Christian wedding.
I tell him that we simply do not have a religious belief system and our reasons have been years in the making, much like his own beliefs must be.
He says that he isn't comfortable doing a non-Christian ceremony because a marriage is a pact between two people and God.
I understand that, and made it clear that we were simply seeing if it was on the table from him because of the family connection, but there was no pressure.
At which point he says that he is convinced that with a few more meeting he could convert me and that "He can sense that there is a strong Christian man inside me.".
I resisted the urge to say "Don't think I've ever had a man inside me" joke because this was a serious conversation, and instead said that if there was a Christian inside me he would have showed up by now. Then there was a bunch of back and forth along the lines of him telling me that I can't know that there is no God because I can only know what I have been told, and I have obviously only been told about there being no God. I informed him that my mom believes there is God but doesn't think that you need to go to church and ask for forgiveness to be in the good books, and my dad is an atheist. I was told about and given all options for faith (or lack thereof), went to vacation bible school, did volunteer hours at a church and at a library where every librarian was in a church group and held open discussions with them daily on the subject. I took everything from both sides and made a decision, and that decision was to not believe in the existence of a higher being. He then gave me a blank look, and repeated that I can only know what I have been told and that my path was chosen for me. Needless to say, my jimmes were thoroughly russled at that point, but only on the inside. He then tried every sneaky little thing to try and make Caitlin feel guilty about not having a religious ceremony, at her family's church, because that is what would make her family proud. "Wouldn't you wan't your grandfather to play the organ at his granddaughter's wedding in the church that your whole family shares?"
It basically went on like that, with some real gems thrown in there for good measure.
He asked me that if I didn't have God for support then where was my support.
What happens when things go wrong.
I said that things will go wrong and then most likely go back to right given the proper effort and some luck.
He asked what my support system was if I didn't believe God was helping me.
I sad that my friends and family are more than enough support, and more importantly I am confident in my own abilities to support myself.
He asked what would happen when I turn fifty, or seventy and my friends start getting sick and dying, then where will my support system be?
I said that I will have a wife and kids by then, and maybe grandkids, and my sisters will have kids and husbands and so on and so forth.
There will be plenty of support in my life, with or without a God.
To which he said, I shit you not, "Well, I hope that works out for you."
I decided that the conversation was over at that point and did that whole thanks for your time handshake thing.
Just because a man has prodded my beliefs, insulted me and my soon to be wife, and tried to degrade my life choices doesn't mean I'm going to be rude in turn.
I chose instead to smile and be cordial to send the message that he in no way affected me or my life through his petty bullshit and smarmy antics.
Finally, as we were walking out the door he says "I would say God bless, but that might be considered mean."
At which point I had to make a very important decision in a very short amount of time.
Do I allow this man to have his jab and take the higher ground, or do I make the local papers for handing out a beating to a holy man in the house of God.
As much as I would have probably enjoyed popping him one and making a very clear point about how he had acted, I ended up taking the higher ground and just leaving.
So, we left and I was all jacked up on adrenaline for the next while.
When I told my parents about the whole thing they both laughed, and my mom rolled here eyes a lot when I told her my responses to his bullshit.
My dad said that he would have gotten thirty seconds in to that conversation and punched the guy in the mouth.
And I quote "If he told threw some bullshit about how he bet he could convert me to Christianity, I would tell him I bet I could throw him over the roof of his car."
My dad is considerably less prone to debate than I am, and more prone to telling someone who being a religious ass to go fuck them self.
That is the story, I know it is a bit of an essay.
No lamias though.
Which is probably for the better, because I didn't have any salt or rosemary.
Or the ability to light that twisty bitch on fire.
*I edited a few spelling and grammar mistakes I made because they were annoying me
