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#1 Bestmand902

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Posted 26 February 2015 - 04:08 PM

Hey guys here's a story I wrote when I had too much sugar.

Enjoy because this doesn't make any godamn sense and is intentionally written poorly

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GREG: THE STORY OF GREG Part 1: Electric Bullshit

 

"Beep beep it's the morning wake up you fucking bagel" Greg's alarm clock said with the force of 100 screaming pandas. Greg got up from his bed and threw the alarm clock out the window because alarm clocks shouldn't call you a bagel because that's rude yo

 

"Oh dingle I'm hungry" Greg said, jumping out the window to go get some subs from Sheetz or a bucket of froyo or some shit like that

 

As he ran down the streets of somewherewhofivesaguckville a bunch of rain came down from the sky

 

And by rain I mean it was raining semi trucks. You ever been hit by a falling semi? that shit hurts yo

 

As Greg dodged semis as is tradition of the seventh sunday in the month of iojsdfouaisgfougra, he ran into some guy clothed entirely in red and black and with a goatee

 

"Yoooooo Jafar" Greg said. Jafar simply did what Jafars do and laughed a british laugh and sang a villain song about how the semis were going to help him take over Agrabah or whatever. Then he got hit by a semi because fuck that noise

 

Greg continued his jog/sprint for his life to sheetz because he was hungry and scared and wanted to watch Aladdin. He did a backflip into the window of sheetz with the grace of a stick of butter trying to win the olympics in a wheelchair god bless that butter for trying and being my inspiration on how to live my life and what am I even typing some get this Dr Pepper away from me heeeeeeeeeeelp

 

"Yoooo I want some MTOs Biiiiiiiiiiitch" Greg said as happy as a man with no legs is when he finds his missing legs and marries them both. 

 

"Hey you got the money" the Rock behind the counter said. How progressive of Sheetz to give rocks equal rights by employing them

 

Greg realized that he forgot his money at home and said "Sorry homesies, I got no money. I guess this is a stick-up now"

As those words left his mouth life the audience for The Devil Inside left the theater only with less anger, a robot with a boombox landed from the sky and said "Yo I'm securitybotguyman let's have a dance off to see if you can earn those subs". Securitybotguyman did a flip in the air but because he has the finnese of a cream cheese donut, he fell over and blew up. Greg did the infamous "Handicapped Panda" dance which is really just flopping about on the floor and screaming like you're having your limbs cut off and ground up to be made into placebo medicine. He won first place in the dance contest and then he got a sub.

 

THE END

....OR IS IT BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW IF PEOPLE WANT A SEQUEL

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And there's what happens when you give me access to sugar. 

 


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#2 Affray

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Posted 26 February 2015 - 04:12 PM

I request The Story of Greg Part Two: The Gregoning 


It is perfectly acceptable to fear and admire a being you could not possibly understand.


#3 Bestmand902

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Posted 26 February 2015 - 09:28 PM

What have I done

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GREG: The Story Of Greg part 2: The Gregoning Part 1

 

67 YEARS IN THE FUTURE...

 

Greg was reading a book. It wasn't really a book because the pages were made out of plastic cups and the words were made of the severed-yet-still alive screaming heads of those who defied the empire of the Waffle People, but still it was reading. Just then his door was broken down with the force of a thousand small children punching the ancient titans of greek mythology in the crotch. Such brave warriors

 

"Yooooo Greg we know you've been hiding gravy and chicken in here and that's against the law and shit so we're hear to arrest you" A waffle-person dressed as a policeman said carrying a large stick with a badger tied to the end of it in one hand

 

"Fuck you waffle person" Greg said going back to his book. The Waffle-person raised the badger stick above his head and struck Greg in the toenail which somehow caused Greg to faint because Toenail damage is very traumatizing yessireebob

 

When Greg woke up he was in a human-sized Goldfish bowl minus the water. Two Waffle-people approached Greg and they both spoke in unison


"We are the president Waffleguy" They said with much gumption. "We're here to tell you that your sentence is death. Your head shall be cut off to make new words in my latest memoir 'Story of the Waffle President' because we're efficient and want to avoid the environmental damage severed heads cause."

 

The two teleported away, leaving Greg to contemplate his fate in the goldfish bowl.

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WILL GREG ESCAPE THE WAFFLE PEOPLE?
FIND OUT PROBABLY SOON
SAME GREG TIME
SAME GREG CHANNEL


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#4 Calvary Occultation

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Posted 27 February 2015 - 11:47 AM

I don't....I can't....

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#5 The Robstar

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Posted 28 February 2015 - 06:47 PM

Your lingo is really weird lol.

 

I have no clue as to what the fuck this is on about. 

 

Where are you from my good man? or ma'am? :)


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#6 Bestmand902

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Posted 28 February 2015 - 07:04 PM

Pennsylvania. I just like throwing around 'Y'all' and 'yo' because I just think they're funny.

And yeah, I had a lot of soda and boredom when I made this. I may continue if I have more soda XD.

and I'm a guy, just FYI XD


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#7 The Robstar

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Posted 28 February 2015 - 07:11 PM

I like that.

 

It's important to be yourself and express thyself in your own individual way.

 

I say go hard and reach for the stars dude. Keep em coming.

 

Welcome to the forums :)


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#8 Calvary Occultation

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Posted 03 March 2015 - 05:26 AM

Will there be a Gregaclysm? Is the story a Gregtastrophy or a Gregomedy? So many unanswered Greguestions.

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#9 Bestmand902

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Posted 14 March 2015 - 11:51 AM

I've been meaning to update this, but I've had insufficient amounts of cola recently. 


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#10 BloodPrince

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Posted 14 March 2015 - 12:01 PM

I'm disappointed that I haven't seen this until just now. This sounds like something out of my dreams. Nothing is connected but it makes sense in a weird way? Also the storytelling style makes me think of one of my OCs. Meylin's talking style is really similar. Hopefully your cola intake doesn't dwindle out yet.
"Waffle-person dressed as a policeman carrying a large stick with a badger tied to the end of it in one hand" This is fucking genius. My favourite part.
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#11 The Seldom Seen Kid

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Posted 14 March 2015 - 07:10 PM

Lawl thts so random guise!!!!11!!!one!!!



#12 Bestmand902

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Posted 14 March 2015 - 07:28 PM

Lawl thts so random guise!!!!11!!!one!!!

I have a feeling you're being sarcastic.


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#13 Mister Sympa

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Posted 14 March 2015 - 07:33 PM

That is correct. C'mon, Seldom, it's just a bit of fun.


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#14 The Seldom Seen Kid

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Posted 16 March 2015 - 12:46 PM

What is this fun you speak of?



#15 Bestmand902

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Posted 16 March 2015 - 01:46 PM

What is this fun you speak of?


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#16 Helen

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Posted 06 April 2015 - 08:16 AM

Yes, really. And I have faced it. We can communicate on this theme.

#17 DeadChannel

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Posted 07 April 2015 - 12:29 AM

Hi Helen!
I'm fearful, I'm fearful, I'm fearful of flying, and flying is fearful of me.

#18 Bestmand902

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Posted 09 May 2015 - 07:57 PM

I'VE HAD MORE SUGAR

HERE'S THE NEXT PART!
 

GREG: The story of Greg Part 2: The Gregoning; Part 2

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As Greg sat in his goldfish bowl like a long-since extinct T-rex sits on the top of the food chain after devouring a triceratops, He began to think thoughts that were thoughtful, and these weren't just any thoughtful thoughts, they were thoughts that thought about the thoughtful thoughts that other people thought as they too thought of thoughtful thoughts. Greg eventually decided on one course of action:

"Fuck this" Greg said as he smashed through the goldfish bowl like the Kool-aid man on heroin. he dashed after the waffle president and said one thing 
"I really hope I don't fall into a fucking hole in the floor" 


And like a man who had fallen through a hole in the floor, Greg fell through a hole in the floor. When he woke up, he was surrounded by Pitch Blackness, but there was also Jafar.

 

"MWAHAAAA YOU FEEL IN A HOLE" Jafar shouted and began to speak again
"NOW I WILL TAKE THE THRONE OF EARTH FROM THE WAFFLE PEOPLE!!!" He than began to sing a villain song about this, but Greg just shot him before he could finish

 

Greg then prayed to get out of the hole, and then some guy named Enyaw Ydarb appeared from the sky and carried him out like an eagle on heroin


Greg continued to trek after the waffle president when suddenly the writer ran out of ideas

 

"Oh shit fuck what do I do now" Greg said as the sky began to crumble around him

 

"I dunno, ya fucking bagel" the writer of the story said, walking away. Greg then remembered that he had the power to make shit up as he went along and so he pulled out an electric guitar and played a song that held the universe back together like Ozzy Osbourne getting his band back together to fight a pterodactyl. I want this movie now

 

Greg then did use the guitar as a hoverboard and crashed into the office of president waffleguy and said "I am a man riding on a flying guitar and I'm here to kill you and everything you stand for"

 

The President Waffleguy just laughed and both got on a dragon that appeared out of nowhere. The dragon shot lasers at Greg, who caught them and threw them back. This battle went on for hours, being about as entertaining as your average waffle tennis match. Eventually, the dragon died and the President Waffleguy jumped off the dragon and tried desperately to cling to Greg's electric guitar.


"Looks like this thorn is about to take you down!" Said greg, as the electric guitar suddenly shot lightning at the two waffles, who then fell to the ground and died. Greg let out a primal scream of triumph as loud as two howler monkeys making love. That is a sentence I typed today. Anyway, he then used his newfound god powers he got from the electric guitar to build a new world where waffles were an oppresed minority, fit only for consumption, while people were still at the top, taking their waffles for granted.

 

Happy ending?

 

Maybe to be continued sometime later


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