14 replies to this topic

[jmrobbinswrites]

EDITED OUT OF FEAR...

 

Retraction!!!! RETREAT!!!

No, it has nothing to do with language.

 

I guess it was just a weird rant on my part because of recently upsetting someone without realizing how upset I make people.

I always say the wrong thing. As proven by the responses in this post. I'm not clear and I'm usually awkward. I know know all nerds are outcasts and awkward. Some of us are.

I saw some posts by Nerdgirl on here too. I saw how tense things got. I never spoke to her or replied to any of her threads, but the tension it created also made me feel that perhaps without a full picture of who we all are, there are going to be these moments of tension.

 

Retraction complete.

 

I really don't like upsetting people. I guess that's basically it.

[Mister Sympa]

JM, I'm honestly confused as to your purpose here. Is this an observation or a plea for we the people to refrain from specific language?

[Affray]

Without testing the limits of the people around you there is no way to truly know what those limits are.

By playing it safe and never touching their boundaries we never really touch who they truly are as individuals.

When I brush against a person's very outer limits of comfort I get a much more personal connection to them through understanding and in the end that makes them feel closer, easier to get along with in the future.

[Mister Sympa]

Did I fucking mention "wise as fuck"?

[The Seldom Seen Kid]

'Swearing only has as much power as you give it.'

 

Plus I wouldn't say that just because we are nerds we are all outcasts. We don't have to conform to that image. I mean I personally don't, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

[Silver_rose]

Without testing the limits of the people around you there is no way to truly know what those limits are.

By playing it safe and never touching their boundaries we never really touch who they truly are as individuals.

When I brush against a person's very outer limits of comfort I get a much more personal connection to them through understanding and in the end that makes them feel closer, easier to get along with in the future.

 

While I entirely agree with this statement, Acting on such things isn't always seen as a test but an affront.

I guess it depends on the person, or the timing.

[Mister Sympa]

Oh.

 

No worries, mate. If it was unintentional, it is no sooner forgotten, I'm sure.

[jmrobbinswrites]

Thank you all for your comments. I was trying to reintroduce myself I suppose, but a lot of emotions got in the way due to recent events. Jumbling a whole bunch of unrelated stuff together is my unintentional specialty.

 

Without testing the limits of the people around you there is no way to truly know what those limits are.

By playing it safe and never touching their boundaries we never really touch who they truly are as individuals.

When I brush against a person's very outer limits of comfort I get a much more personal connection to them through understanding and in the end that makes them feel closer, easier to get along with in the future.

I see your point, and that's interesting that you feel that brushing up against a person's out limits of comfort gives you a personal connection in the end. I think that connection can be had by asking them without reaching the point of discomfort. You can fully get to know and understand a person without touching their boundaries. Most of the time when I touch a person's outer limits, I lose that person. They stop being my friend. It happened 2 years ago. It happened a week ago. I just lose people through lack of communication and understanding. We don't always know what questions to ask to reveal what these outer limits are, but there isn't always a return from the damage caused by causing that discomfort.

I've been called "selfish" for years. I'm not. At all. Even about a month ago, I started planning a web show called "Jason's Selfish Show" because that's how I'm always labeled. High functioning autism is such a curse to those around me. Many people end up thinking I'm a horrible person because I can't communicate effectively. As a writer, that has been terribly difficult. Though it's why I write. I want to be understood. So badly. That's my dream. To be understood and appreciated.
I'm ranting again. That's a thing I do.

This is the last post I'm going to make on here for quite some time, as I need to take a leave due to personal reasons.
Thank you again for understanding. My e-mail is still on my profile page and if I need to be contacted, that's the way to do it.

Have a good night, everyone. Or day where applicable.

[Mister Sympa]

I hate to say this, but the autism explains everything. I know/have worked with a ton of people with various forms of autism, and I fee l like I totally get why you write/think the way you do now. Everything makes sense, and of COURSE you don't mean to be insulting. I get that; it's not in your personality. It just comes off like it because that's just how it sounds because you don't add all the extra language that other people naturally do.

 

I hope you don't get discouraged; the important people will understand.

[Silver_rose]

You don't have to leave. It just very possible that you haven't met the right people with the right understanding.
 

I'm going to quote my psychologist - "You might think you're the problem, but before you be so quick to judge yourself, make sure you're not surrounded by arseholes first."
 

Sometimes people just don't understand and are too ignorant to care, they're really not worth your time if they're not going to open up they're eyes and delve a little deeper.

 

[Calvary]

Yeah man stick around! I was an absolute cunt when I joined here and people gave me a 2nd chance.

[Affray]

While I entirely agree with this statement, Acting on such things isn't always seen as a test but an affront.

I guess it depends on the person, or the timing.

 

Thank you all for your comments. I was trying to reintroduce myself I suppose, but a lot of emotions got in the way due to recent events. Jumbling a whole bunch of unrelated stuff together is my unintentional specialty.

 

I see your point, and that's interesting that you feel that brushing up against a person's out limits of comfort gives you a personal connection in the end. I think that connection can be had by asking them without reaching the point of discomfort. You can fully get to know and understand a person without touching their boundaries. Most of the time when I touch a person's outer limits, I lose that person. They stop being my friend. It happened 2 years ago. It happened a week ago. I just lose people through lack of communication and understanding. We don't always know what questions to ask to reveal what these outer limits are, but there isn't always a return from the damage caused by causing that discomfort.
 

I do things that way (usually) because I can get away with it without any backlash.

I am fortunate in that I have enough charm that I can get to those uncomfortable places without being rude or brutish about it.

Though I completely understand the delicate method of slowly getting to know someone, I don't really like it for my own use.

 

I tend to be quiet when I first meet someone new, but only for a few minutes.

In this time I observe and get a feel for this new person, then I open up and they get every part of my personality without having to ask for it.

I understand that most people do not wear their soul on their sleeve, so I have to get at it somehow.

 

Asking someone what they are comfortable with can work, but it takes time, and people often don't even know what they are comfortable with until they experience it, so it can be an act in futility. So, I greatly prefer to just get right in there with little tests until I get what I want and then base my actions and words around that person on what I arrive on.

 

Easier to ask for forgiveness than permission as they say.

[SushiKitten]

I've been busy the past couple days so while I've been able to read posts, I wasn't really able to make any substantial reply. I already saw that you're leaving, maybe you'll come back to see this soon. 

 

I don't think anyone really wants to upset people. Conflict can be avoided, but never completely. I've upset a lot of people by making choices for myself that I needed to do to be happy, and while it hurts that they're upset, if you go through life trying to make everyone happy, you'll be absolutely miserable. 

 

I don't really test the boundaries of my friends, I tend to talk about safer topics but If I feel I've reached a boundary of a friend's comfort, I leave it and try to steer the topic elsewhere. I'm really sensitive to people's feelings and It's good to know what topics make people uncomfortable, these are the topics that can really make you understand a person. They'll show you where to not steer the conversation again. Maybe when they're comfortable enough with you, they'll really open up themselves and revisit that topic with you, and that can be very special. 

 

As for Nerdgirl, she started off topics that were innocent enough, but then quickly showed that she was either a troll or a very bitter person, maybe both. I don't remember her topics getting tense, but I do remember some back and forth debate. If you put a bunch of people in a room and have them talk, there is going to be a difference in opinion in many places, especially for those who can be called nerds, they tend to do massive amounts of reflection. It's how we deal with that conflict that is important.

[idk]

I am 100% convinced that she knew it. Why else would she delete everything from her profile after we caught on and called her out. Many of her posts were written in a way that was obviously meant to provoke people as well.

[Affray]

EDITED OUT OF FEAR...

 

Retraction!!!! RETREAT!!!

No, it has nothing to do with language.

 

I guess it was just a weird rant on my part because of recently upsetting someone without realizing how upset I make people.

I always say the wrong thing. As proven by the responses in this post. I'm not clear and I'm usually awkward. I know know all nerds are outcasts and awkward. Some of us are.

I saw some posts by Nerdgirl on here too. I saw how tense things got. I never spoke to her or replied to any of her threads, but the tension it created also made me feel that perhaps without a full picture of who we all are, there are going to be these moments of tension.

 

Retraction complete.

 

I really don't like upsetting people. I guess that's basically it.

You are entirely entitled to your opinions on anything, and I would not worry about upsetting any of us.

From time to time opinions will inevitably clash, even among friends.

It isn't very often that tempers flare around here, and when they do it usually tames back down almost immediately.

 

I have sensed a fair amount of apprehension and angst in a lot of your posts, and it has never annoyed me.

A great many of us are in the same mental boat as far as social awkwardness goes, so try not to worry so much about what we will think of what you say and just enjoy yourself.