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so I decided to try and write a screenplay.


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#1 DeadChannel

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Posted 29 March 2014 - 07:10 PM

Its sort of a dark comedy about a guy named edward who owns a funeral home. Because I'm a fan of the idea of using dead bodies in the context of slapstick comedy. I will post some of it later, when it doesn't suck so much.

 

EDIT:

 

okay, this is just a small taste of it. I would appreciate opinions. There are a few bits of it that I sincerely detest, but I can't just edit myself forever (as much as I would like to)

https://app.box.com/...9k8maxcul2kte1t


I'm fearful, I'm fearful, I'm fearful of flying, and flying is fearful of me.

#2 Mister Sympa

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Posted 30 March 2014 - 05:17 PM

Don't over-edit yourself to death.

 

Looking forward to it.


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#3 Affray

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Posted 30 March 2014 - 06:29 PM

Hopefully your writing isn't too....stiff.


It is perfectly acceptable to fear and admire a being you could not possibly understand.


#4 DeadChannel

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Posted 30 March 2014 - 06:41 PM

Hopefully your writing isn't too....stiff.

translation_i_see_what_you_did_there-321


I'm fearful, I'm fearful, I'm fearful of flying, and flying is fearful of me.

#5 Akiyo

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Posted 30 March 2014 - 11:15 PM

Please don't be shy! Show us everrrrrything ^^



#6 DeadChannel

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Posted 30 March 2014 - 11:28 PM

Lol. Read my sig.

Also, I will prolly post something tomorrow.
I'm fearful, I'm fearful, I'm fearful of flying, and flying is fearful of me.

#7 RespawningEnemy

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Posted 02 April 2014 - 11:25 PM

I will put on a top hat, twirl my untwirlable mustache and swirl red wine in a glass while judging it harshly.



#8 Akiyo

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Posted 03 April 2014 - 09:21 AM

Lol. Read my sig.

Also, I will prolly post something tomorrow.

The feeling's mutual. :P



#9 DeadChannel

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Posted 04 April 2014 - 10:37 PM

Okay, so I know I said that I would have a thing posted a few days ago. I lied. I will soon, though.

 

The feeling's mutual. :P

Haha, I hope you know that I was joking ;)


I'm fearful, I'm fearful, I'm fearful of flying, and flying is fearful of me.

#10 Akiyo

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Posted 05 April 2014 - 07:45 AM

Okay, so I know I said that I would have a thing posted a few days ago. I lied. I will soon, though.

 

Haha, I hope you know that I was joking ;)

I was too, of course! ^^ 



#11 DeadChannel

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Posted 05 April 2014 - 10:05 AM

Kay. Thas good.
I'm fearful, I'm fearful, I'm fearful of flying, and flying is fearful of me.

#12 DeadChannel

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Posted 05 April 2014 - 05:38 PM

Okay, so here is a little taste. I would appreciate honest opinions. https://app.box.com/...9k8maxcul2kte1t

 

EDIT: Also, I feel like I should use something more subtle (but still funny) than "died in a blogging accident". Suggestions?

 

EDIT 2: Thinking about using "died in a knitting accident"


I'm fearful, I'm fearful, I'm fearful of flying, and flying is fearful of me.

#13 DeadChannel

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Posted 07 April 2014 - 04:25 PM

Bump!
I'm fearful, I'm fearful, I'm fearful of flying, and flying is fearful of me.

#14 Mister Sympa

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Posted 07 April 2014 - 04:54 PM

I'm fond of the ending.

 

Are we ever given a reason for the balloons popping? They and the chair are a bit much, honestly. I'd suggest a slow pan from Edward showing just how empty the room is to emphasize the point.

 

EDWARD Anyways, I remember how he used to tell the best stories about his

time in the military, and about how similar a funeral home was to a fast

food joint. On the busy days,he would tell me that people were

just dieing to get in. I think it

was a joke, but we’ll never know.(Note: I am not a huge fan of thisbit. Will likely change later

 

I think that was one of your cleverer bits, actually.

 

All in all, vaguely reminiscent of Black Books, which is a compliment.


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#15 DeadChannel

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Posted 07 April 2014 - 08:21 PM

I'm fond of the ending.

 

Are we ever given a reason for the balloons popping? They and the chair are a bit much, honestly. I'd suggest a slow pan from Edward showing just how empty the room is to emphasize the point.

 

 

All in all, vaguely reminiscent of Black Books, which is a compliment.

I tend to agree with the bit about the balloons popping. I think I need a bit more subtlety. 
Which is why I just wrote a relativity long shot into the start which is simply a body being prepared and no dialogue. 

Currently working on a dialogue scene with slapstick-corpses, and a scene involving a funeral home inspector.

 

I've never seen black books, but it looks rather intriguing.

 

Thanks for having a look!


I'm fearful, I'm fearful, I'm fearful of flying, and flying is fearful of me.

#16 Mister Sympa

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 11:19 AM

Cheers! Thanks for taking my criticism the way it was meant to be taken! :)

Good luck, and give us a holler when you've got a bit more!


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#17 DeadChannel

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Posted 09 April 2014 - 09:22 PM

Cheers! Thanks for taking my criticism the way it was meant to be taken! :)

Good luck, and give us a holler when you've got a bit more!

Well, thanks for having a look.

 

In other news, I've written quite a bit more. I feel like I need to go back and edit it a bit. And I am very close to getting to a major plot break, so maybe I'll post something when I get to that. 

 

What I have written involves a funeral home inspector, a dead body rocketing from a window, cops in a doughnut shop, pop culture references and a murder mystery.

Also, more dead bodies. Lots. All of them. Every last one! :)


I'm fearful, I'm fearful, I'm fearful of flying, and flying is fearful of me.

#18 DeadChannel

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Posted 10 June 2014 - 07:02 PM

So, I've been writing on and off for a while. I think there's gonna be quite a few stories running in a non linear fashion. Feels like the funeral home be is only going to take up a small part of the script
I'm fearful, I'm fearful, I'm fearful of flying, and flying is fearful of me.

#19 DeadChannel

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Posted 25 June 2014 - 02:39 PM

EDIT: Oh, wait, I already posted something similar above.

Except, I'm not sure how non-linear it's going to be. 


I'm fearful, I'm fearful, I'm fearful of flying, and flying is fearful of me.