1682 replies to this topic

[idk]

An SO won't make you happy on their own, it's not fair to a person to pin your happiness on them. I've been in that position and it really is a lot of stress always having to carry two people. It's not at all healthy for either party and it's a hell of an effective way to railroad yourself into a breakdown or worse. You should learn to be happy/content on your own before finding someone, faking confidence will help as well. I can't offer much advice on finding friends as that isn't one of my better skills but you have to put yourself out there if you want to be seen. Join groups based on your hobbies and friends should follow.

[Affray]

You stole some of my words man, well put.

 

Aside from the solid advice from idk I just have to add that longing for your childhood and feeling lost is absolutely 100% what almost every other human on this planet goes through. Adulthood isn't fun or easy for the most part and it isn't like when we were kids and you just had to go to school then fuck off around town doing who knows what with whoever happened to live on your block. As an adult you essentially have to plan for your own happiness. All the adult stuff like working, paying bills, being generally responsible all have to get done by everyone and you are no exception. But in between that stuff you can get some hobbies, build some skills, make a few friends and do stuff with them, etc. It seems like a lot of horseshit for a little payout, and it is, but such is the cost of living in a modern civilisation. I'm assuming you are still pretty young, so there is a good chance you still have the time and leniency to go do shit that might be difficult later in life like piss off for a month or two and go hiking somewhere. Which is what I like to do when life in general is pissing me off and the hustle bustle of the world is slowly killing my will to live. So I would suggest trying to find some shit to do that you get some reward from and run with it. Worst case scenario you pick up a few skills/talents along the way and are better for it. And who knows, maybe somewhere in this mix you run in to someone who clicks with you and you fall in to one of those relationship things everyone's talking about.

 

As for being a bit of a weirdo, who gives a shit. Almost everyone on this site is a bit of an oddball and some of us are married and/or have kids and shit.

Sooner or later most people run into someone who matches their weird and it handles itself from there for the most part.

Just keep on keepin on, do the best you can with what you have, and find joy in every moment you can.

[Elfie]

Well said

[Capsicum Annuum]

Thanks guys. That helped give me a little more confidence. I'm starting to feel better, but I really should consider changing my college major to something other than art. As far as the childhood thing goes, I feel like I just didn't enjoy as much of it as I should have. I feel like I should still be a child. I don't feel like an adult at all. I just... still don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I kind of feel worthless.

[idk]

I didn't go to college/uni specifically because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, still don't. Never really did. Not everyone is going to know what they want from life until they start experiencing it.

 

Only thing I knew I wanted was love, as cheesy as that is.

[Elfie]

You can go to college later if you want, or go for something general so it can apply to a lot of different jobs. Being an adult can suck, but as long as you are a contributing member of your society, why not still keep parts of being a child. I don't feel 28. Maybe more like 23, but either way I have to fulfill my responsibilities. Other than that frolick around and do as you please.

[Affray]

Thanks guys. That helped give me a little more confidence. I'm starting to feel better, but I really should consider changing my college major to something other than art. As far as the childhood thing goes, I feel like I just didn't enjoy as much of it as I should have. I feel like I should still be a child. I don't feel like an adult at all. I just... still don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I kind of feel worthless.

If it makes you feel any more mature, I'm damn near 29 years old and am still a child.

There is nothing wrong with not feeling like an adult, even if it lasts forever.

 

My wife talks about her childhood the same way you do.

Her parents were weirdly controlling and somewhere around grade nine she stopped asking to go to friends houses/hangout sessions because they always said no for one reason or another. So she just resigned to her bedroom and depression took hold. Only in the last year or two has she even managed to start feeling better about herself and develop some social skills. It's never too late change yourself for the better and shed your old self.

 

Also, my schooling/interests were all over the place after high school.

I thought about being a teacher (which I now wish I had pursued more than anything), then when I applied to colleges I was on a firefighter kick.

I was going to meetings at my local fire hall, getting training, the works.

Applied to four colleges for firefighting and one backup for emergency telecommunications, figuring that if no firefighting courses wanted me I could do a year of college learning the dispatch end of things, thus making my experience in the field stronger. So I did that for a year, then worked as a framer/drywaller for a bit, then went back to farm work because my framer boss was a stoner fuckhead who ripped me off. Then I went to Georgian college in Barrie Ontario for cabinetmaking because I felt like I needed to fuck off somewhere far away and get some life experience. I loved every second of it, made deans list with top marks, made some of the best friends I have and wish I still lived up there. My wife followed me to Barrie and went to Georgian for graphic design and when we moved back to my hometown she got a job in her field of study and I started an embroidery business with my parents, which is what I am currently doing.

 

The moral here is that life isn't on rails.

Most people don't have a clear goal, or even any idea what the fuck they are doing along the way to whatever end they are stumbling toward.

If something pops up and seems like a fun/cool thing to study or do I say go for it.

Even if it falls apart on you there are always things to be taken away.

Friends, experience, totally justified hatred for teen girls who think they are hot shit (I worked at Swiss Chalet in college and the takeout girls needed reality checks so goddamn bad).

 

You just do you.

[Mister Sympa]

I've recently been coming across the phrase "touch-starved" since falling into a new fandom and every time I see it or it gets used in a fic I start crying because it reminds me that that is exactly what I am and how much it hurts.

 

I literally started sobbing reading one in particular.

[Affray]

I've recently been coming across the phrase "touch-starved" since falling into a new fandom and every time I see it or it gets used in a fic I start crying because it reminds me that that is exactly what I am and how much it hurts.

 

I literally started sobbing reading one in particular.

That sucks dude.

I can't exactly give a solid opinion on the matter since it isn't something I've ever had to deal with.

All I can think of is why aren't there cuddle brothels all over the place for situations like this.

[The Robstar]

I've recently been coming across the phrase "touch-starved" since falling into a new fandom and every time I see it or it gets used in a fic I start crying because it reminds me that that is exactly what I am and how much it hurts.

 

I literally started sobbing reading one in particular.

It's fucking weird. Perhaps I'm experiencing the same "emotiony" thing.

 

I was watching the music video for Beyonce "If I was a Boy" today and I swear to god, for the 1st time ever I actually felt like sort of wanting to..... cry..... The fuck is up with me lately? 

 

I'm not depressed or sad or anything.

 

I haven't had a gf in about 3 years now. Only hooked up once in that time (late last year) 

 

Must be hormones or something. Fuck it's weird..... Mind you I turn 30 next year. Fucks I'm old. lol

[idk]

I've recently been coming across the phrase "touch-starved" since falling into a new fandom and every time I see it or it gets used in a fic I start crying because it reminds me that that is exactly what I am and how much it hurts.

 

I literally started sobbing reading one in particular.

 

I can totally relate to feeling touch starved, five years single in june and 5 years without any real intimate contact in may. I don't hookup and haven't had any luck with dating here(completely ignored both online and in person across a dozen dating sites/apps)

 

However I've used that time to do a lot of introspection and get myself to be comfortable and happy with my own company, so the time hasn't been wasted.

You have to be happy with yourself before you can really be happy with another person and I learned that the hard way through two rough relationships (one far worse than the other)

Another person can't make you happy if you aren't happy with yourself, codependency isn't healthy and unless you find someone as codependent as you are it's not attractive either. (and even still, codependency can cause a lot of trouble in a relationship when it comes to emotional infidelity if one or either of you are extremely insecure seeking more and more validation.)

 

All I can think of is why aren't there cuddle brothels all over the place for situations like this.

 

Because between Canada and the US we have enough assholes that someone would undoubtedly take it too far. That and the religious members of our countries would lose their fucking minds over it, they even refuse to accept that legalizing prostitution would make all sorts of things far safer and would be a massive step towards ending (or at least limiting) human trafficking in our countries.

 

They're the same people who put their feet down and scream and holler about safe injection sites attracting crime and increasing drug use despite hundreds of studies on the matter proving them false. Safe injection sites have been shown time and time again to lower drug use rates and provide a safe environment with safe equipment which also helps prevent the spread of infections and diseases that can come from things like sharing needles and other equipment (like sharing pipes - spit swapping can happen)

[Affray]

I can totally relate to feeling touch starved, five years single in june and 5 years without any real intimate contact in may. I don't hookup and haven't had any luck with dating here(completely ignored both online and in person across a dozen dating sites/apps)

 

However I've used that time to do a lot of introspection and get myself to be comfortable and happy with my own company, so the time hasn't been wasted.

You have to be happy with yourself before you can really be happy with another person and I learned that the hard way through two rough relationships (one far worse than the other)

Another person can't make you happy if you aren't happy with yourself, codependency isn't healthy and unless you find someone as codependent as you are it's not attractive either. (and even still, codependency can cause a lot of trouble in a relationship when it comes to emotional infidelity if one or either of you are extremely insecure seeking more and more validation.)

 

 

Because between Canada and the US we have enough assholes that someone would undoubtedly take it too far. That and the religious members of our countries would lose their fucking minds over it, they even refuse to accept that legalizing prostitution would make all sorts of things far safer and would be a massive step towards ending (or at least limiting) human trafficking in our countries.

 

They're the same people who put their feet down and scream and holler about safe injection sites attracting crime and increasing drug use despite hundreds of studies on the matter proving them false. Safe injection sites have been shown time and time again to lower drug use rates and provide a safe environment with safe equipment which also helps prevent the spread of infections and diseases that can come from things like sharing needles and other equipment (like sharing pipes - spit swapping can happen)

You are pretty bang on with the self love, pun totally intended.

You have to do you before you can do other people long term.

 

I am supremely disappointed when religious fanatics stand in the way of progress simply because they personally don't feel comfortable with an idea/practice.

People pushing their ideals on everyone else as the one true way bothers me on a level that I don't even have words for.

[Capsicum Annuum]

Just made an 80% on a common sense quiz. It's true that I passed, but everyone else made fucking 100.

I sometimes feel like I'm the most retarded person on earth. I feel like my life has no meaning. Just seems like all the crazy negative shit that has ever been said about me is somehow true.

[Affray]

Just made an 80% on a common sense quiz. It's true that I passed, but everyone else made fucking 100.

I sometimes feel like I'm the most retarded person on earth. I feel like my life has no meaning. Just seems like all the crazy negative shit that has ever been said about me is somehow true.

Well, the fact that you are intelligent enough to be pissed off about the possibility of being stupid shows that you aren't stupid.

I'm a pretty smart guy and even I get tripped up by rudimentary questions from time to time.

As soon as I am presented with a simple problem for whatever reason my brain wants to find a complex solution, and I tend to assume there is a trick to it if it seems too obvious and it fucks me all up. And some common sense test isn't a very solid source to base your intelligence on.

 

Everyone has their own speed and their own strengths.

My wife, for example, is pretty rough sometimes when it comes to spelling and the pronunciation (mostly because her parents don't know how to pronounce anything). But when it comes to design and colour stuff she blows me out of the water. I swear to fuck she can see a thousand more colours in the world than I am even capable of registering. Yet she thinks she's stupid because I have a way better memory and the English language is by bitch.

 

Try not to base your own self worth on the values that you assign other people, or the value they try to apply to you.

The easiest way to be happy and give your existence meaning is to be content with yourself and find some shit that you find rewarding.

[Capsicum Annuum]

Well, the fact that you are intelligent enough to be pissed off about the possibility of being stupid shows that you aren't stupid.
I'm a pretty smart guy and even I get tripped up by rudimentary questions from time to time.
As soon as I am presented with a simple problem for whatever reason my brain wants to find a complex solution, and I tend to assume there is a trick to it if it seems too obvious and it fucks me all up. And some common sense test isn't a very solid source to base your intelligence on.
 
Everyone has their own speed and their own strengths.
My wife, for example, is pretty rough sometimes when it comes to spelling and the pronunciation (mostly because her parents don't know how to pronounce anything). But when it comes to design and colour stuff she blows me out of the water. I swear to fuck she can see a thousand more colours in the world than I am even capable of registering. Yet she thinks she's stupid because I have a way better memory and the English language is by bitch.
 
Try not to base your own self worth on the values that you assign other people, or the value they try to apply to you.
The easiest way to be happy and give your existence meaning is to be content with yourself and find some shit that you find rewarding.

I'm starting to get over it now. I think I had a lot of other things on my mind while I was taking the test.

It's weird that sometimes I will be in a fairly decent mood, then all of a sudden I feel like jumping off a building.

I guess I just needed a place to vent. Thanks Affray.

[Affray]

No problem at all.

Sounds like you may have some manic depression stuff going on, which is entirely manageable.

It may not be the case, but it could be something to look in to.

[Crazy Joe]

Good to see there is a thread on this place for depressive thinking.

 

Anxiety has me very unhappy and confused. I feel like I will either loose my head or bang it against a wall. I could say "if someone out there hears me, talk some sense into me," but if I did, they would all turn their heads and I'd just end up talking to myself. Why do the fun parts of life have to end quick? I see my friends age much more successfully and they seem to have fun almost all the time.

My masturbation addiction has now started to lose its fun. Maybe a strip club would have relieved my stress a few years ago, but I don't really know if I want to go back or not. Is there something I should find to make more plans or am I stuck like this until I die? Does it ever feel like everything around you is only there for everyone else and not yourself? Sometimes I have to remind myself that we will all be the same way at the end of our lives. Dead, and being dead is the worst health condition anyone can possibly have.

I just... don't know why I feel like I keep being jaded of life's patterns all the time. Do any of you ever feel like no matter what you do, it always ends in a pattern that you hate?  

[Capsicum Annuum]

Has anyone established if Crazy Joe is a bot?

[Krankykoala]

Maybe we are all bots. like... reverse matrixotr something

[Photography Raptor]

As of today I am single.

The (now roomie) and I finally laid out all our cards. We decided that we no longer fit. Our relationship ending has been a year in the make and we decided to no longer kid ourselves. It was a very good talk and I hope she finds someone more attune to her.

Breakups are sad but I feel kinda good about this. I think we're still going to be on good terms and 'friends'.

Here's to a new start!