1682 replies to this topic

[Akiyo]

I just wanted to unload without creating a new topic:

 

I've been studying compEng for just under 3 years now, and I was doing well up until this semester. I just feel so mediocre now. When all my classmates seem like they're succeeding, I'm not getting near the class average on tests, my grades are slipping, everyone else has secured a job for the work term in the spring and I've had only one job interview so far. There's so many interests that I'd like to pursue in my free time but I have no free time. I feel so useless. I've come so far, I feel like I identify myself as a compEng student after three years and my family and friends are so proud and they think I'm so smart and I just feel so stupid and like I'm letting them down and living a lie. I don't want to quit, I really do enjoy the majority of my classes (with the exception of circuits) but some small part of me wants to fail my exams in April so I can take the rest of the year off and focus on my other interests and growing as a person. I went straight from high school to university and I'm so tired of studying. I feel like even if I just took the rest of the year off I'd be refreshed to try again in January when the courses become available again. I won't intentionally fail but I'm starting to think I won't be devastated if I don't end up passing.

Aww... Y'know uni is tough girl! Don't try to be so hard on yourself It is your life and you're the one who is going to live the rest of your life with you degree  

 

So what do you mean by living a lie? I thought you said you were happy with compEng?

[Akiyo]

Guess I'm double posting..

 

I'd like to celebrate my 100th post with a saddening reality.. Love is just a term for heaven and hell altogether.

 

Kinda living in the devastating aftermath of those three words I uttered to my boyfriend about a month ago. "We are over".

 

How quickly everything can just go to shit. Or maybe it started months ago, I just didn't want to face it. I sought out this forum as a distraction and a desperate means of communicating with the "outside world", and I would really like to thank all of you sillys for being so wonderfully weird (is half of that a friends: phoebe's wedding quote?).

 

Now you're thinking that I don't actually see him anymore.. well.. first off we work together... second we tried to make it work the week after I kicked him out.. and goodness save me, but I just love him to death T_T 

 

-end

[theDaftDev]

Guess I'm double posting..

 

I'd like to celebrate my 100th post with a saddening reality.. Love is just a term for heaven and hell altogether.

 

Kinda living in the devastating aftermath of those three words I uttered to my boyfriend about a month ago. "We are over".

 

How quickly everything can just go to shit. Or maybe it started months ago, I just didn't want to face it. I sought out this forum as a distraction and a desperate means of communicating with the "outside world", and I would really like to thank all of you sillys for being so wonderfully weird (is half of that a friends: phoebe's wedding quote?).

 

Now you're thinking that I don't actually see him anymore.. well.. first off we work together... second we tried to make it work the week after I kicked him out.. and goodness save me, but I just love him to death T_T 

 

-end

 

Good luck, I can't imagine how hard it has to be to work with someone you love and hate to death. Hopefully you'll find another wonderful gentleman soon.

[Akiyo]

Good luck, I can't imagine how hard it has to be to work with someone you love and hate to death. Hopefully you'll find another wonderful gentleman soon.

No, noooo! It says I love him to death :/ I do. That's... why it's so hard for me.. complicated =(

[theDaftDev]

No, noooo! It says I love him to death :/ I do. That's... why it's so hard for me.. complicated =(

 

I meant hate because you broke up with him. Things often end that way. But if you don't have any anger toward him.. Well yeah, might be even more complicated in the end.

[Akiyo]

I meant hate because you broke up with him. Things often end that way. But if you don't have any anger toward him.. Well yeah, might be even more complicated in the end.

Aha, yeh thank you. I litterally have no idea how to deal with it..

[theDaftDev]

Aha, yeh thank you. I litterally have no idea how to deal with it..

 

Sometimes you just gotta get rid of your feelings.. You think it's impossible and you'll never be able to make it, but some months then you'll look back and decide it belongs to the past. I know too well how hard it can be, but you just have to do it I guess.

[The Robstar]

Guess I'm double posting..

 

I'd like to celebrate my 100th post with a saddening reality.. Love is just a term for heaven and hell altogether.

 

Kinda living in the devastating aftermath of those three words I uttered to my boyfriend about a month ago. "We are over".

 

How quickly everything can just go to shit. Or maybe it started months ago, I just didn't want to face it. I sought out this forum as a distraction and a desperate means of communicating with the "outside world", and I would really like to thank all of you sillys for being so wonderfully weird (is half of that a friends: phoebe's wedding quote?).

 

Now you're thinking that I don't actually see him anymore.. well.. first off we work together... second we tried to make it work the week after I kicked him out.. and goodness save me, but I just love him to death T_T 

 

-end

 

lol sillys. I like that.

 

Well..... That's quite a pickle..... 

 

I don't really feel that I'm in the position to be giving you any advice on this one. I could potentially make things worse.

 

In the end it's up to you to figure this out. Sooner or later somethings going to happen that will ultimately force your hand..... YOU will have to make a decision.....

 

 

You never know what's going to happen....

 

Sorry for the useless answer.

 

But Good Luck nonetheless

[Akiyo]

Thank you Rob. You are both correct I guess x_x there's only one option and that is to keep moving forward, no matter what happens. I'm an atheist but: if god shines upon me I'll wake up and be together with him again ! 

 

Will focus my attention on other things! mhm!

[Calvary]

Buy lots of alcohol. Something strong, preferably vodka.

 

Disclaimer: Maybe don't actually do that.

[Akiyo]

Buy lots of alcohol. Something strong, preferably vodka.

 

Disclaimer: Maybe don't actually do that.

You silly xD 

[The Robstar]

Buy lots of alcohol. Something strong, preferably vodka.

 

Disclaimer: Maybe don't actually do that.

I was in a pub earlier today inquiring about a gig and at the bar was this drunk businessman drowning his sorrows because his wife had just left him. Listening to a middle aged man crying was one of the saddest and most awkward things ever. 

[gr3yh4m3]

Hey guys. Man. Reading all of your posts I just wish I had some kind of magic wand to just wash everything negative away for you guys. But as I've learnt, a quick fix isn't the answer, these things usually have to be walked out as part of a journey. Note that they themselves aren't the main plot, just a route taken to a greater end. 

Akiyo - it's almost been a month since your post, how have you been holding up? I know I'm only new here and might seem like a stranger to yall, but even as a stranger some good advice I know is to keep yourself surrounded by good friends, friends you know and trust and can share with but can also have a good laugh with also.

Sushi - How is uni going? I too went straight from highschool, and questioned many mannyy a time what I was doing there because, you're totally right it does not leave much time at all for personal growth. But do keep on trying with it! I do think that it would be much better to have a degree and then have time to search, than without one and have to worry about it again later down the track, I mean who knows? Maybe not having a job straight away could be such a blessing in disguise? Besides, parents are good for mooching off in the meantime while you look for work

Rob - You're a legend for starting this thread mate. It must've taken guts, in the sense that it's always scary to acknowledge that the world isn't always sunshine and puppies.

[Affray]

Rob - You're a legend for starting this thread mate. It must've taken guts, in the sense that it's always scary to acknowledge that the world isn't always sunshine and puppies.

I wouldn't go so far as to say he is a gutsy legend.

Maybe something more along the lines of a goofball savant.

LIke he just sort of flits though the forum spouting loud noises and inciting shenanigans, and then out of nowhere says or does something that makes you take a step back and quietly appreciate his outlook on life.

[steampunkgrrrl]

Hi! I'm an OCD sufferer and all the joy that brings in. Including depression. I have one of the rare forms that are religious/sexual orientation related. It really perks up during times of extreme stress, and so it's really beeb kicking in lately.

SO thanks for putting this thread here. ^-^

[The Robstar]

I wouldn't go so far as to say he is a gutsy legend.

Maybe something more along the lines of a goofball savant.

LIke he just sort of flits though the forum spouting loud noises and inciting shenanigans, and then out of nowhere says or does something that makes you take a step back and quietly appreciate his outlook on life.

Actually 'gutsy legend' describes me rather well in real life. I'm pretty socially awkward and I really don't like talking to people, but it didn't stop me from performing in front of a crowd of 200-300 tonight and completely captivate and blow their minds. I could tell by the thunderous applause I received and the kudos I got afterwards.

 

But I won't deny that I'm a 'goofball savant' In fact, the rest of your post is actually quite accurate. I really lol'ed at the last part of your post because a girl once told me, "You're such a dork sometimes, but behind your mask of madness lies a really intelligent man" 

 

Haha yeah I really get a kick out of my shenanigans, think of it this way, people like the drama, if you had a movie that was all happy the whole way through, mother fuckers would be bored shitless. I like to spice it up a bit

 

 

Hi! I'm an OCD sufferer and all the joy that brings in. Including depression. I have one of the rare forms that are religious/sexual orientation related. It really perks up during times of extreme stress, and so it's really beeb kicking in lately.

SO thanks for putting this thread here. ^-^

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? Very interesting. I have these little rules that I abide by, like for example I ALWAYS put toilet paper on the toilet seat, even if it is clean. I can't stand when people with shoes put their feet up on the couch. It annoys me to no end, and I start sweating and pace back and forth and get completely agro if they don't comply. But I don't think I'm OCD.

 

Very cool and brave of you to share your story. Even if I don't have a solution to your problem, it's always good to talk to someone.

 

[gr3yh4m3]

but it didn't stop me from performing in front of a crowd of 200-300 tonight and completely captivate and blow their minds. I could tell by the thunderous applause I received and the kudos I got afterwards.

wow, that sounds awesome, what kind of gig did you play? Congrats on blowing them all away

 

steampunkgrrrl, that sounds pretty hectic, I hope you're ok As far as OCD goes, I've never been diagnosed, but some things from

when I was a kid have been rearing their ugly head again lately. I HAVE to periodically blink 7 times on a clear space of wall, or sky, unobstructed by shadows, or clouds, or lines of any sort. Otherwise I get mildly claustrophobic. It's weird. That and the resurfacing of anxiety and depression lately have helped me decide to see my doctor and see what he thinks (seeing a psychologist and/or meds, stuff like that). It's difficult for me to be so open about it, but I want to say this with somewhat of a point. I believe, just as much as sharing among peers, that it's also important to, when you feel the need, seek out professional help that your average joe just doesn't know about. I'm having to do this right now actually with a friend who is also going through a bad bout of depression. There are times where I have to admit to them that I don't know it all, and that maybe a professional would be better at helping them with a specific issue. Thankfully my friend is seeking such help. But I just wanted to say, that if you're going through something serious, and it's been going on for a while, it might be time to take things a little step further in this direction. Or at least consider it.

 

But of course, people are here are very awesome (hence my thankfulness in my last comment about this thread). And it's absolutely not my intention to disrespect anyone here, nor the importance of sharing in a safe environment among cool people such as this.  

 

Basically, don't keep it bottled up!!

 

Finally, I had an idea today about the possibility of making a sister-thread to this one, called "the joyful thread" or something, where we can count our blessings so to speak. Not in any way to discredit the validity of this thread, but as a reminder that there is also an abundance of good in the world. I know one thing I would post would be that I made someone laugh today- not sure whether he was laughing at me or with me, but laughter none the less Or things like, I saw something and it just made me smile, stuff like that.

 

Would anyone be interested in this?

 

Anway, sorry for the long rant.

 

Ps. Sincerely hope it wasn't out of line to say any of that. If so, please tell me and I'll apologize and be sure to take it down.

[Mister Sympa]

I know that I'm not OCD, but I have had some weird compulsions. It used to be that if my hand brushed a suface, like the arm of a couch, I would have to brush back the opposite direction and perpendicularly up and down to equal it out. It got so bad that I'd have to do the diagonals as well...

[steampunkgrrrl]

I am in treatment and have an online support group, which is cool, considering that this particular OCD made me suicidal. But, I am here and getting better.

What's really got me in a funk lately is the job situation. As one of my friends put it, why can't everyone else see how awesome I am? Hope springs eternal, it's just not always a gushing fountain. Also sometimes it feels like I'm becoming stagnant. Nothing's moving, nothing's changing, and sometimes that bothers me. Don't get me wrong, I'll pick up new things and the like, but I don't feel like I'm growing.

I think I'm too self aware for my own good.

[idk]

I'm really getting tired of being pressured to find a job or go to social services.

 

1. I've been applying for jobs and looking at postings daily since I lost my job in November, the only correspondence I've gotten back was an email saying "you have exceptional experience but it's not what we're looking for. That's the only contact I've gotten back from a job application. I can't count how many times I've updated and changed my resume. I've been to job fairs, I've gone directly into places to apply, I've signed up for employment agencies, what else am I supposed to fucking do?

 

2. Social services isn't going to give me a single penny because I live at home with my dad and his husband. I also fall under being capable of working (young, no recorded/known medical disabilities) so that will also prevent me from getting a cent from them.  

 

3. I don't have enough money to get an apartment, let alone pay the required first/last month rent plus whatever deposit most places want.

 

I can't handle the constant stress and pressuring to find a damn job. I mean, it's not like they grow on trees do they?

 

It's no fucking wonder I'm having problems sleeping and starting to feel depressed again.