1682 replies to this topic

[Mister Sympa]

On the topic of depression, I randomly remembered something helped me when some ridiculous crap happened to me, and I mean fucking ridiculous.

 

It was Eddie Izzard, actually.

 

I imagined myself onstage, much like him, and telling the story to an audience who found it as ridiculous as I did. If I could get them to laugh with me, it hurt less.

 

It saved me when I was 16.

[SushiKitten]

On the topic of depression, I randomly remembered something helped me when some ridiculous crap happened to me, and I mean fucking ridiculous.

It was Eddie Izzard, actually.

I imagined myself onstage, much like him, and telling the story to an audience who found it as ridiculous as I did. If I could get them to laugh with me, it hurt less.

It saved me when I was 16.

Sometimes taking a step back and laughing at the whole situation really helps.

Our local convention started today, and all is pretty good. I didn't get to dress up but that's fine, I needed the money. I'm anxious about some things though.

I joined the anime society's executive a while after my boyfriend did, thinking I go all the time anyway, I might as well contribute and help out. Only then my boyfriend had to drop out of university and had to unofficially leave the executive since you need to be a student, and now the other two execs are graduating, leaving me as both the president and the only executive member.

You need 3 official executive members to remain an official university society, and to receive funding every semester. We're going to lose that, and along with it the prizes and events, and the booth and two panels we do at this convention. I don't even have the time to plan and hold the regular showings anymore, I can't do this all myself. This society has been around since the 80s and it's probably going to die with me as the last name.

I mean as it is the need for an anime club isn't as great as it was in the 80s, why go out to watch shows when you can download them online? We get maybe 8 people on a good day compared to the 100 they used to get, so I guess everything must come to an end, but I feel like I'm just being handed a previously badly managed society that I'm sure I could fix if I had the time to put into it, but on top of both my engineering work and also becoming chair of the IEEE student branch at the university, I can't even consider it. I only meant to be exec by name because they had been looking for so long, I wanted to help, not take over.

In the spirit of the con, a lot of people are mentioning they might help but I'm not keeping my hopes up high. We all say things during a convention that we realize we can't do afterward. My boyfriend is trying all he can but without that funding... Blah.

I guess I'm not depressed about this so much that I'm somewhat frustrated I can't do much about it. Like Sympa said, laughing at it helps, its not my fault the society failed, its a mix of disinterest, earlier bad management, and members who love the group but not enough to save it.

[jmrobbinswrites]

I don't know all the inner workings of what that anime society does as it pertains to creating a sense of community and belonging for its members, but is it something that is meaningful to people who aren't members? Perhaps you could still organize with the regular (8 or so) attendees to still do some form of anime' society activity that doesn't require a lot of funding or support from the school. Once again, without knowing the full scope of what the society means, I don't know if my suggestion is even anything valid.

[jmrobbinswrites]

Hey! A depression forum. It's just the place I need to be. I want to get started on my next book, but feelings of massive guilt are preventing me from doing so. Writing the book I just finished caused my family so much dismay, and as a writer, I obviously need to get moving on to the next piece. Without going into too much detail publicly, out of respect for those involved, the time I spend writing a book makes my family think that if I was spending my time looking for a better job or something that it would be of more use. It's super important to me, and I'll never succeed if I don't keep at it. I dream of entertaining others, and that's another big problem. I'm always being accused of caring about making strangers happy and putting that before my family. I do feel that if I succeed at making strangers happy, as it's put, that I'd be able to support my family they way they wish.
Not only that, but I'm feeling quite a bit alone again. I know I'm not really alone, but I guess it's more feeling insignificant to those around me. I know what I do isn't important to them, and I hate not being able to share my joy and passion with people so close to me. I want to include them, but they just don't care.
I'm having to make some really big decisions about the course of my life over the next few weeks because nothing ever changes unless you change it. I'm not scared of change, but I do like to make sure I'm doing what is ultimately best. I don't know. The mixed up feelings of hopelessness and confusion are causing a bit of anxiety for me.
Thanks for listening,
Jason

[SushiKitten]

Hey! A depression forum. It's just the place I need to be. I want to get started on my next book, but feelings of massive guilt are preventing me from doing so. Writing the book I just finished caused my family so much dismay, and as a writer, I obviously need to get moving on to the next piece. Without going into too much detail publicly, out of respect for those involved, the time I spend writing a book makes my family think that if I was spending my time looking for a better job or something that it would be of more use. It's super important to me, and I'll never succeed if I don't keep at it. I dream of entertaining others, and that's another big problem. I'm always being accused of caring about making strangers happy and putting that before my family. I do feel that if I succeed at making strangers happy, as it's put, that I'd be able to support my family they way they wish.
Not only that, but I'm feeling quite a bit alone again. I know I'm not really alone, but I guess it's more feeling insignificant to those around me. I know what I do isn't important to them, and I hate not being able to share my joy and passion with people so close to me. I want to include them, but they just don't care.
I'm having to make some really big decisions about the course of my life over the next few weeks because nothing ever changes unless you change it. I'm not scared of change, but I do like to make sure I'm doing what is ultimately best. I don't know. The mixed up feelings of hopelessness and confusion are causing a bit of anxiety for me.
Thanks for listening,
Jason

Aw geeze, pressure from the family always sucks.. Always follow your goals and dreams, but remember that many start up authors need a back up job to keep afloat. Usually only well established authors who have made a best selling novel or who have sold thousands of books can make a living by just writing. The most worthwhile things are also usually the most difficult. Reach for your goals, and you may get there, but plan it smart, work hard, and with a tiiiny bit of luck, there will be no 'may' about it.

 

I know I look like just words on your screen, but I am someone on the other side of the screen, and if you ever need to talk I'm around (I check NF more than my email though haha), I don't want you to feel alone. 

[jmrobbinswrites]

Thanks. I totally understand the whole selling a book is like winning the lottery type odds. It's not that I don't have a job, it's that it's not good enough. My family lives far below the poverty line and though I'm a great student (3.9 college GPA) it means nothing in the real world. Nobody cares about that and none of my actual skills are really marketable from a career standpoint. I keep looking for something quiet and out of the way like data entry or medical billing (which I do have experience doing). I have never been more than a couple months without income at any time, but the 30 jobs in 15 years thing shows that I can't maintain work that I'm not passionate about. Any of the menial work that I get, is doable, but then I end up finding something with a better looking future for myself, but when I get it, I screw it up and have to abandon ship before I'm fired... or like twice... actually get fired. I was fired from my last job as a bill collector. The work made me cry... at work and want to drive my car off the road on the way there, so I'm glad I'm not there and that job sent me into therapy. I've been able to refocus and get my head to a place where I won't hurt myself, but I may still make some reckless decisions while my heart and mind battle for what I should actually do about my situation.
As far as what constitutes "making a living..." $18,000/yr would do. It's still far below poverty for a family of four, but if I could make that doing what I love, I'd take it. Most authors typically make around $5k-10k per book. That's obviously not for the huge sellers, but just for your typical novel. And even at that, it would be amazing.
At any rate, I'm going to just hold off for a tiny bit (probably a week) and read another aspiring author's novel to provide feedback for her.
At that point, we'll see where things stand.
Thank you for your time and kindness... and sushi... and kittens eating sushi.

[Mister Sympa]

Thanks. I totally understand the whole selling a book is like winning the lottery type odds. It's not that I don't have a job, it's that it's not good enough. My family lives far below the poverty line and though I'm a great student (3.9 college GPA) it means nothing in the real world.

 

There are like, four other people who have that exact same story, myself included.

 

Does anyone else feel like we were fucking lied to? Like, someone told all of us that if we went to college and did well in school that a glorious job would fall from the sky? 'Cause, yeah.

 

I was unemployed for very nearly a year, and this past winter was especially harsh and cruel during which to be broke as fuck.

No heat, no food, little hope.

 

I'm still recovering. Like I'm still scared that there will be no food and that the cold will suddenly come back.

 

And I've never made over $17,000 a year in my life, even working full-time.

 

Bollocks.

[Calvary]

My job history comes with a healthy smattering of shit. I faced racial discrimination in my first part time job and my first full time job I hated so much I actually used to cry myself to sleep. Shame was it paid okay for what it was.

[Mister Sympa]

Oh my god, Gol, what the fuck did you DO?

[Calvary]

I put things in boxes 8.5 hours a day, 42.5 hours a week in a warehouse.

[Affray]

The whole education thing really tends to be a shit slide that ends right in the shit lake at the bottom.

The percentage of people who go to college or university and end up in the field they are educated in is amazingly low.

 

Sadly all we can do is keep wading though the lake of shit until we get to the other side and make landfall on the beach of decent income and tolerable work.

[jmrobbinswrites]

Or we can band together and make all our dreams come true and take over like nerds are supposed to. NERD TAKEOVER *Tries to throw table, but is too weak, plus there's a D&D game on it, so I don't want to lose the positioning of the orcs*

[The Robstar]

Sadly all we can do is keep wading though the lake of shit until we get to the other side and make landfall on the beach of decent income and tolerable work.

Damn. Beautifully said.

[Bowsette]

The problem with college and university is that usually, it means that there are an asston of people getting the same qualifications as you are, and therefore looking for the same job you are.

 

A lot of work things tend to be based on who you know rather than what you know. Both of my jobs were basically secured for me because I knew people working there already who put in a good word to the higher-ups.

[The Robstar]

The problem with college and university is that usually, it means that there are an asston of people getting the same qualifications as you are, and therefore looking for the same job you are.

 

A lot of work things tend to be based on who you know rather than what you know. Both of my jobs were basically secured for me because I knew people working there already who put in a good word to the higher-ups.

Unfortunately tis true.

 

I know donkeys who got the same degree as me. Couldn't even speak English very well. lol

 

Even the top of our class struggled to find work in our field. She currently works at the museum because her friend hooked her up.

 

So yeah, it really is who you know rather then what you know.

 

In that case I could be the next drug cartel of my city. My cousin runs that show

[seakingtheonixpected]

I thought I was missing having friends. It really just turned out it was one person and she'll probably never talk to me again.

I've never cared when people left my life before, so why do I care so much this time. It has been a year since and whenever I think about it my world seems so small.

But I doubt any amount of friends will change that.

[jmrobbinswrites]

In that case I could be the next drug cartel of my city. My cousin runs that show

Weren't you talking about wanting to get a job? I think that's on your to-do list. And as long as you're not the customer, you stay true to your clean-up goal too.

[Silver_rose]

Been sleeping too much.

 

Complaining and confiding in my boyfriend feels like I'm burdening him and I think he's going to hate me

 

I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail one of courses

 

A day hasn't gone by without crying

 

and this sounds like a fucking awful poem, but I can't be bother making proper paragraphs.

 

I want to feel normal again, I hate this so much.

 

[Affray]

I can toss one tidbit of knowledge at this one.

 

Do not keep trying to convince yourself that you are a burden on the person who listens to your problems.

The more you tell yourself that you are a burden the worse it will make you feel, and it probably isn't the case anyway.

I am the listener in my relationship and I am glad to bear the weight of my lady's problems.

Of course taking on the knowledge that the person you choose as a mate is distressed about things (a great many sometimes) is going to be a bit of a burden, but that is the whole point of the thing.

We share our problems with those we trust because it is a fuck of a lot easier to carry a box full of heavy shit up a hill when someone is on the other end taking half the weight and telling us it will be fine, just a bit further and we can be done with this.

[steampunkgrrrl]

Been sleeping too much.
 
Complaining and confiding in my boyfriend feels like I'm burdening him and I think he's going to hate me
 
I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail one of courses
 
A day hasn't gone by without crying
 
and this sounds like a fucking awful poem, but I can't be bother making proper paragraphs.
 
I want to feel normal again, I hate this so much.

 

What Affray said is true, but I understand how putting the burden on someone else's shoulders can hurt. Sometimes  it just becomes more weight than one person can bear, though, so the load needs to be sharef. Don't ever think that a person that chooses to be there and help you is being burdened with your suffering.