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#1 Affray

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Posted 09 September 2013 - 09:54 PM

  A Canadian Apology

A truly Canadian Apology to the USA... Courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes, CBC Television:

 

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.

 

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.

 

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defence I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours. I'm sorry we burnt down your White House during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.

 

I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we feel your pain.

 

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

 

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

 

I remember watching this when the episode was new.

I laughed, and laughed, and laughed.


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#2 (V) (`m`) (V) ︵ ┻━┻

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Posted 09 September 2013 - 11:41 PM

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#3 idk

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Posted 10 September 2013 - 12:00 AM

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Of course you want our pot.

 

Canada supplies a large chunk of americas pot because it's usually really good.


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#4 (V) (`m`) (V) ︵ ┻━┻

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Posted 10 September 2013 - 05:45 AM

Of course you want our pot.

 

Canada supplies a large chunk of americas pot because it's usually really good.

You.. I like you.

Also, the more I hear about Colorado and all it's pro greenness, the more I know I've made a wise choice to get dreamily attached to it as my perfect place to live.

Plus, so very much snow.

[fuck yeah, snow]


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#5 Sethre

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Posted 10 September 2013 - 08:52 AM

I can't tell if I should be offended or loved by this apology. 


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#6 Affray

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Posted 10 September 2013 - 10:02 AM

I can't tell if I should be offended or loved by this apology. 

That would be the thinly veiled passive aggressivism hitting you.

Canada is like that work friend who points out how nice your new haircut looks juuuust enough times to make you question whether or not your hair really and truly looks good, or if it looks stupid and they are just mocking you.

 

You.. I like you.

Also, the more I hear about Colorado and all it's pro greenness, the more I know I've made a wise choice to get dreamily attached to it as my perfect place to live.

Plus, so very much snow.

[fuck yeah, snow]

How do you feel about maple syrup, poutine and doors being held open for you?


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#7 (V) (`m`) (V) ︵ ┻━┻

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Posted 10 September 2013 - 10:39 AM

I've never had poutine.

I sure do like pancakes and doors being held for me tho.

I do also enjoy holding doors for others.

Especially big men who I then tip my head to and refer to as m'lady.


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#8 Calvary

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Posted 10 September 2013 - 10:40 AM

I love you, Flippy, even more than I did already, for that picture.

 

Also, as a filthy liberal, I must visit Colorado when I go to 'Mericuh. Such fun!


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#9 Sethre

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Posted 10 September 2013 - 10:40 AM

Especially big men who I then tip my head to and refer to as m'lady.

Bahahaha... I am now going to do this.


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#10 Champion of Cyrodiil

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Posted 10 September 2013 - 10:43 AM

  A Canadian Apology

A truly Canadian Apology to the USA... Courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes, CBC Television:

 

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.

 

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.

 

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defence I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours. I'm sorry we burnt down your White House during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.

 

I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we feel your pain.

 

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

 

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

 

I remember watching this when the episode was new.

I laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

 

I'm sorry you couldn't keep a Prime Minister in office for more than 3 months (John Turner).  Perhaps your governor general and members of parliament will continue to select great prime ministers for you.

We're sorry that even though you live next door, you come in 2nd place when it comes to US Imports.  While it's nice of you to offer up your softwood lumber, I think it's the least you can do, considering the fact that Canada was the US' largest good export market last year.  Thanks for the lumber, we'll go ahead and give you everything else you need.

 

Also congratulations on your 1 gold medal last year.  Sorry we didn't notice, we were to busy counting the 46 gold medals we won.

 

I'm sorry your military capability has been surpassed exponentially by the US since 1812.  Luckily your NATO allies (US?), has been supporting your needs and letting your play along for the past 20 years.  I'm sorry you can't make up your mind whether or not you want to play in the sandbox with the big boys, and that your young boys are dying from crashes in poorly maintained helicopters.

 

Don't worry about the beer.  The fact is that with 313 million people (8x Canada), someone's bound to buy cheap rice beer.  Fortunately we have quite a few micro breweries maintained within our individual states that go unnoticed on a global scale.  So keep sucking that Labatt Blue band wagon all 34 million of you love. I'll enjoy the variety of choices my neighbors brew this fall.

 

And finally on behalf of all Americans, your apology for being so cynical is accepted.  It's pretty well known that cynicism stems from reacting to strangers.  We know your isolated up there.  It's cold and you feel alone.  Rest assured, our warm bikini clad beaches are always open to tourism.



#11 Sethre

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Posted 10 September 2013 - 10:47 AM

Oh snap!


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#12 Calvary

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Posted 10 September 2013 - 10:57 AM

I was gonna do my own version of these, but then I realised nationalism is fucking dumb.


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#13 Champion of Cyrodiil

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Posted 10 September 2013 - 11:11 AM

I was gonna do my own version of these, but then I realised nationalism is fucking dumb.

 

Sure... I think it's more likely a re-run of the world cup came on. 



#14 Calvary

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Posted 10 September 2013 - 11:24 AM

My country has enough real problems for me to worry about the sorry state of our over-paid football team. When we sort out a lowering standard of living, then I'll get upset about how we can't shoot a little ball into a net to save our arses.

 

See, being a moderate is fun! Now it's your turn...

 

e: Although I've just realised your insult is a little silly. I mean why would I stop what I'm doing to watch my country fail at something. Again?


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#15 Sethre

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Posted 10 September 2013 - 11:25 AM

By football you mean soccor right?


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#16 Calvary

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Posted 10 September 2013 - 11:27 AM

I assume so, I don't think there's an NFL world cup, after all. Though I could be wrong.


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#17 Sethre

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Posted 10 September 2013 - 11:35 AM

I assume so, I don't think there's an NFL world cup, after all. Though I could be wrong.

No, their isnt one... 

 

I'm trying to figure out why America named football soccer and named american football football.


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#18 idk

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Posted 10 September 2013 - 02:08 PM

I wonder if the Government of Canada would be interested in making League of Legends a national sport. would probably be more profitable than Harpers "economic action plan"

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#19 Affray

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Posted 10 September 2013 - 05:11 PM

I've never had poutine.

I sure do like pancakes and doors being held for me tho.

I do also enjoy holding doors for others.

Especially big men who I then tip my head to and refer to as m'lady.

You just might be in the wrong country.

 

 

I'm sorry you couldn't keep a Prime Minister in office for more than 3 months (John Turner).  Perhaps your governor general and members of parliament will continue to select great prime ministers for you.

We're sorry that even though you live next door, you come in 2nd place when it comes to US Imports.  While it's nice of you to offer up your softwood lumber, I think it's the least you can do, considering the fact that Canada was the US' largest good export market last year.  Thanks for the lumber, we'll go ahead and give you everything else you need.

 

Also congratulations on your 1 gold medal last year.  Sorry we didn't notice, we were to busy counting the 46 gold medals we won.

 

I'm sorry your military capability has been surpassed exponentially by the US since 1812.  Luckily your NATO allies (US?), has been supporting your needs and letting your play along for the past 20 years.  I'm sorry you can't make up your mind whether or not you want to play in the sandbox with the big boys, and that your young boys are dying from crashes in poorly maintained helicopters.

 

Don't worry about the beer.  The fact is that with 313 million people (8x Canada), someone's bound to buy cheap rice beer.  Fortunately we have quite a few micro breweries maintained within our individual states that go unnoticed on a global scale.  So keep sucking that Labatt Blue band wagon all 34 million of you love. I'll enjoy the variety of choices my neighbors brew this fall.

 

And finally on behalf of all Americans, your apology for being so cynical is accepted.  It's pretty well known that cynicism stems from reacting to strangers.  We know your isolated up there.  It's cold and you feel alone.  Rest assured, our warm bikini clad beaches are always open to tourism.

You might want to fact check yourself on some of those.

 

No Canadian government official will ever trump the circus that is American politics.

Not ever.

 

Canada does not rely on the states as heavily as most people think.

We do get boned by you lot fairly often, which is our own government's fault.

Like when you buy lumber or oil from us and then sell it back to another part of the country at an inflated price.

We are responsible for 14% of your total imports (highest among all importers) at 327.5 billion.

The only country you throw more money at is China, for computer parts clothing and cars.

We import 221.3 billion from you.

 

 

One gold in the summer olympics.

Summer.

In world soccer we lose to countries that don't have grass.

We are not a summer games country and never claimed to be.

 

Do some research on our military prowess, even in modern times, and I am sure you will be surprised at how we are not ones to be trifled with.

Our military works essentially in tune with your as far as training and skills, as we train alongside one another.

We just don't go picking fights and making every conflict our business.

Just because the states is involved in more conflict than any other country at any given time, does not mean they are better at it.

 

TV commercials making it look like Canadians love Labatt Blue nation wide is not exactly accurate.

It is shit and we all know it.

Canada has micro breweries too, and a ridiculous amount of immigrants that bring their old country recipes over with them.

 

No, their isnt one... 

 

I'm trying to figure out why America named football soccer and named american football football.

America is "discovered".

The natives are called Indians because the "discoverer" thought he was in India.

America gets started and says, fuck it, you guys are Indians, give us your land.

To this day natives are called Indians, because America does not like to correct itself.

 

Are you really surprised that they are sticking to their guns with those sport names even though the no one else in the world gets it.

 

 

I wonder if the Government of Canada would be interested in making League of Legends a national sport. would probably be more profitable than Harpers "economic action plan"

It would be good until Japan and South Korea got in on it and we became obsolete at it.


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#20 Cthulhu

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Posted 10 September 2013 - 06:46 PM

Guys, guys...

 

We're both awful countries