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WHO HASN'T HAD A GIRLFRIEND OR BOYFRIEND BEFORE???


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#21 Silver_rose

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Posted 02 June 2013 - 05:55 AM

Ok well I am 22 and am still waiting for my first tangeble relationship.

I'm basically that nerdy, repulsive girl that no male liked in highschool. 'tis a sad fact, but it's true. I mean I had friends but that was it.

I had my first kiss at 18 on what you could supposedly call my first date.
And since then only been able to develop relationships with people I can't actually be with.


Because I can...


#22 idk

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Posted 02 June 2013 - 10:20 AM

Well im not a virgin. I always figured i would be, given i never even kissed a girl until i was 18. Combining social anxiety and near crippling shyness didnt help either. Ive had two relationships total, and both turned out to be crazy. Does a number on uour confidence when the only girls who showed interest spent time in a mental assylum and where batshit crazy

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#23 Supernova

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Posted 02 June 2013 - 10:55 AM

I've dated girls since I was 13, but only got my 1st serious gf when I was 17 years old. I went out with countless girls since then, but only 4 were true relationships. I've never had any luck anyway. And about boys, well, I've never had a boyfriend, but I had a few dates. I've never paid much attention to them, but I have to admit that some of them are getting a little more interesting these days. 



#24 Supernova

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Posted 02 June 2013 - 10:58 AM

Well im not a virgin. I always figured i would be, given i never even kissed a girl until i was 18. Combining social anxiety and near crippling shyness didnt help either. Ive had two relationships total, and both turned out to be crazy. Does a number on uour confidence when the only girls who showed interest spent time in a mental assylum and where batshit crazy

 

Oh, poor thing. I'm sorry. Apparently, the world is full of crazy bitches. Don't let it scary you ;D



#25 idk

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Posted 02 June 2013 - 11:12 AM

Oh, poor thing. I'm sorry. Apparently, the world is full of crazy bitches. Don't let it scary you ;D

from my experience, the saying "bitches be crazy" is very true.

 

but I've come to not really care as much, I'm content spending my time gaming or working.


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#26 Supernova

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Posted 02 June 2013 - 11:28 AM

Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm glas spending my time studying, reading, writing, drawing, watching movies... I miss having company to that, but none of the people I was in relationship with enjoyed that stuff, so... 



#27 Diabolical_Jazz

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Posted 02 June 2013 - 03:04 PM

I was unspeakably dense in high school, and missed out on some really great opportunities to date a couple of really great girls. Only obvious in retrospect. Sigh.

Anyway, most of my life I was pretty sure I was going to wait to have sex until I got married, and I was pretty anxious and didn't approach women much. I didn't have my first girlfriend until I was 22. She was my first everything, basically. Lasted two months. Then a friend of mine introduced me to casual sex and polyamory. I dated one other girl, when I was 25, and that also lasted only two months. Lately I have few relationship prospects, but a reasonable number of hook-ups.

If I can offer advice to anyone, it would be to not take relationships too seriously until you find the right person to take them seriously with. Until then, have some fun and learn things. Everything you learn will make you a better partner in the future.


I don't think he needs to be immortal. I think all he needs to do is to write the right story. Because some stories do live forever.

#28 idk

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Posted 02 June 2013 - 03:16 PM

I was unspeakably dense in high school, and missed out on some really great opportunities to date a couple of really great girls. Only obvious in retrospect. Sigh.

Anyway, most of my life I was pretty sure I was going to wait to have sex until I got married, and I was pretty anxious and didn't approach women much. I didn't have my first girlfriend until I was 22. She was my first everything, basically. Lasted two months. Then a friend of mine introduced me to casual sex and polyamory. I dated one other girl, when I was 25, and that also lasted only two months. Lately I have few relationship prospects, but a reasonable number of hook-ups.

If I can offer advice to anyone, it would be to not take relationships too seriously until you find the right person to take them seriously with. Until then, have some fun and learn things. Everything you learn will make you a better partner in the future.

definitely a lesson I've learned, Don't take a relationship too seriously (especially at a young age) you never know when it'll suddenly end, the other person will do something with other people, or the other person will drive you to the point where you have to leave for your own sanity.


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#29 Diabolical_Jazz

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Posted 02 June 2013 - 03:22 PM

definitely a lesson I've learned, Don't take a relationship too seriously (especially at a young age) you never know when it'll suddenly end, the other person will do something with other people, or the other person will drive you to the point where you have to leave for your own sanity.

S'actly.
It's like my dad once told me, "It never works out until it does."


I don't think he needs to be immortal. I think all he needs to do is to write the right story. Because some stories do live forever.

#30 DaRatmastah

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Posted 02 June 2013 - 08:04 PM

Incoming long shpiel...

 

I was really, really cringe-worthy awkward around girls for most of my youth.  Had my first kiss right before my 16th birthday, was with my first 'real' girlfriend (as opposed to girls I had crushes on that I pseudo-stalked).  That relationship went pretty well for a first, and lasted about 6 months.  She broke it off, and it rattled me a bit, but we had been growing apart so it wasn't that huge.

 

After that I met a girl at a friend's school dance, and unfortunately I wasn't experienced enough to pick up on the "crazy whore" signals.  I ended up falling for her hard because she was the first girl I ever did any "heavy petting" with (outside the clothes) and whatnot.  Unfortunately she ended up cheating on me repeatedly without me knowing and it all kind of came out in one pretty awful night (shortly after I used my dad's credit card to buy a set of promise rings online as a surprise.  Whoops.  Super awk).  So that was done and over with.

 

I was kinda fucked up from that for a while.  I had a couple online relationships, next.  One where I genuinely fell in love with a girl, but we had a really, really hard time with it because feelings were very strong, but distance was very large(half a country away), so we ended up kind of bouncing apart over and over again.  I ended up in another online relationship with another girl, who eventually flew out here and spent two weeks with us on vacation at the shore and at my house.  I lost my virginity to her, and then realized that we were completely incompatible.  We broke up after she flew back to California.  If I had ended up having girl #1 come out here instead of girl #2 it is very likely that I would have a completely different life right now,  but hey, hindsight, eh? =P

 

My best friend at the time was also a girl and I started to have pretty strong feelings for her after a while.  She was with another guy, though, sooo...  She frequently spent the night at my house (we had a guest bedroom) because of fucked up home issues.  Finally ended up having a long discussion one day, professed my feelings, kissed her, it worked out okay.  She broke up with her dude, and we were together for quite a while(I think close to two years?)  Funny story, one night when she was spending the night at my house, she forgot to tell her mom.  Her mom called my mom at like 1 AM, which led to my mom walking in on us having sex in my bedrom.  My mom had no idea I was sexually active.  THAT was an interesting night, hahahahaha.

 

The girl's parents were verbally and occasionally physically abusive, but had decent connections with the community, so it never went anywhere.  It came to a head one night when I just got a text that said, "help" at 1AM so I went over and found her at her kitchen table with her parents screaming at her and berating her.  They told me to go away, but I said she was 18 so she had a right to leave.  They threatened to call the cops, I dared them to, so they could explain why they were holding an adult against her will.  Finally I got loud and insistent enough that they sent her out.  After some time at the hospital for a psych evaluation (they thought she was crazy) they let her go, we picked up her stuff, and she moved into my house.

 

Unfortunately, it  turned out she WAS crazy.  Oops.  We ended up growing apart and breaking up.  She got her own apartment.  And then all the little lies and alternate personality traits came out.  Holy crap, pathological habitual liar, may have cheated on me once or twice (or at least tried to), and possibly also some kind of disassociative personality issues.  Dodged a bullet on that one, I suppose.

 

Even at this point I hadn't learned my lesson because I proceeded to (rather quickly) latch on to another girl.  For the life of my, I'm still not sure why I did.  I think I was just desparate.  Anyway, this girl was bad news, but I didn't know it.  We were together for four years, and she had serious anger management issues.  She ended up being verbally and emotionally abusive in some pretty serious ways, but I didn't really know it or recognize it.  Every time I talked about how she acted with other guys all I ever got was, "haha, yeah, it sucks, I'm always in the doghouse with my wife/SO, too!"  I didn't realize what she was doing to me wasn't normal.

 

Unfortunately, things went from bad to worse when a 4 AM roll-over-how-you-doin' quickie ended up putting a bun in the oven.  This was about two and a half years into the relationship, and I had been contemplating breaking up with her.  I can say the next nine months were some of the worst in my life.  I slept maybe two hours a night, it was my senior year in college, so I had a shitload of schoolwork including a massive year-long capstone project, PLUS as soon as she got pregnant she decided she wasn't going to work anymore so I was the only one with a job, too.  My son, Lucas was born halfway through my senior year (right around thanksgiving), and being a dad turned out being a lot less scary than I thought it was going to be.

 

Unfortunately, the fits of rage and abuse only got worse and worse.  I actually tried breaking things off once, and she convinced me to give it another go with couples counseling included.  The abuse didn't really come out in the counseling sessions, because I felt really uncomfortable as a male saying that I was the abused one in the relationship.  I tried to break it off again, afterwards, and she once again begged and pleaded for me to stay, and I did.  Finally, it was after a day of skiing with my dad and brother, during which I felt genuinely happy for the first time in at least a year and a half that I realized things needed to end.  On the way home my dad and I had a long chat, in which he confided that he and my mom were worried about me because of the negative effect she had on me.  I decided that was it.  A couple days later I broke it off, then immediately flew out to colorado to go skiing with my cousins for a few days.  I came back to a ten-page letter for why I should stay with her, but I stayed strong.

 

A month and a half later I went to spend a weekend with a friend from karate that I had known for years, just on a whim.  I had had a crush on her for a while (yes, even while I was still with Lucas' mom...the relationship was pretty dead in the last months).  Three years later, we're married, and I have finally found my other half.  My wife is amazingly supportive, strong, and beautiful.  My son is four, I have a decent visitation schedule, and while his mom continues to be a problem, I can handle anything the world throws at me with Jackie by my side.

 

I've gone through more serious shit than I would like.  I've made some really shitty choices, too.  The thing is, though, I wouldn't be where I'm at right now, with the wonderful beginnings of a family that I have, if it weren't for every choice I made, good and bad.  I do kind of which I could peek into other universes (infinite multiverse theory) just to see where I had ended up if I had gone different paths.

 

Sorry, this got really long and heavy, I hope I offered something worthwhile to whoever has made it this far.  =)



#31 Bowsette

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Posted 02 June 2013 - 08:52 PM

I got with my current partner last October. Though we've been friends for years beforehand. I was her daughter's godmother, though I'm not entirely sure how that works now. I've had a string of bad relationships in the past, both with men and women. A constant string of problems that has probably completely destroyed any chance I had of being a truly functional member of society. Depression, anxiety, multiple suicide attempts caused by love, you name it, I've had to deal with it. Most notably though are my previous two relationships; Brandon and Kelly. 

 

Brandon was great at first, I thought. We enjoyed being together, spent as much time together as we could, even worked together on some shifts so rarely a day went by where we didn't see each other. We never really argued or anything, and he was the first guy to really treat me like a human being, rather than just something to be used and thrown out later. Initially. I loved him, a lot. So much so that he was my first sexual partner, and it took a lot of courage for me to do that. But then, as usual, shit went south. We started hanging out less, and eventually we only saw each other at work. It sucked. It made me angry, because he was distant, and mean. In the end, while we were working together, I confronted him about why he was being such a royal asshole to me suddenly. He threw in my face the fact he thought I was a useless idiot, the fact he was fucking one of our mutual friends, the fact he didn't care about me and never did. I threw my fist in his face.

 

I still see him from time to time. It still hurts, and it still makes me feel like I'm not the intelligent girl I thought I was. Despite being smart, I was dumb enough to fall for the lines and the fakery. For the most part I'm over it though. I still hope he suffers, I still want to hurt him, to kill him even. But I won't give him the satisfaction of knowing I'm wounded. Whenever I have to deal with him, I make sure I show how happy I am. Because that's what will hurt him the most. He took enough of my life away from me, so all I can do is show I'm stronger for it, better off without him.

 

Kelly... that's a different story. I never physically met her. We met on a forum back in...2008. She was younger than me, by quite a bit. She was fifteen, almost sixteen, but there was an instant connection when we talked. We'd talk for hours every day, about the stupidest shit imaginable, but we could just as easily discuss important subjects. I found myself waiting for her to log on every day, I was excited to tell her how my day was, to hear how hers was. Just talking to her made me happy. At the time she wasn't really sure about herself. I was the first person she told she was a lesbian, and I felt proud of her. Coming out is a hard thing to do, even to people who are strangers. Not long after that, we had a long talk about feelings, and I admitted how much I liked her, in that way. I honestly felt over the moon when she said she felt the same. And so, we began a relationship.

 

It went south. Badly. She was... unwell. Mentally. She was bipolar, and often made attempts at her own life. I tried to help as much as I could, but in the end, it became too much for me to handle. I was staying up for days at a time, calling, emailing, trying everything just to make sure she was alright. It took a real toll on my own health, it dragged me down. I struggled to work, I struggled to enjoy things at all. I lapsed into a severe depression, to the extent all I could do was lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. I lost my love of music, videogames, anime, TV, everything. My entire life fell apart trying to look after someone I knew I could never truly save. And yet I kept trying, and trying, and trying... until I snapped. I couldn't deal with the pain, the anguish, the hatred. I told her to go to hell. I told her how much pain I was in, how much I sacrificed trying to help her out of love. And then I cut all contact. I don't know if she's alive or dead. I don't care. Or maybe that's a lie... I don't know. I don't know.


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#32 DaRatmastah

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Posted 02 June 2013 - 09:32 PM

I got with my current partner last October. Though we've been friends for years beforehand. I was her daughter's godmother, though I'm not entirely sure how that works now. I've had a string of bad relationships in the past, both with men and women. A constant string of problems that has probably completely destroyed any chance I had of being a truly functional member of society. Depression, anxiety, multiple suicide attempts caused by love, you name it, I've had to deal with it. Most notably though are my previous two relationships; Brandon and Kelly. 

 

Brandon was great at first, I thought. We enjoyed being together, spent as much time together as we could, even worked together on some shifts so rarely a day went by where we didn't see each other. We never really argued or anything, and he was the first guy to really treat me like a human being, rather than just something to be used and thrown out later. Initially. I loved him, a lot. So much so that he was my first sexual partner, and it took a lot of courage for me to do that. But then, as usual, shit went south. We started hanging out less, and eventually we only saw each other at work. It sucked. It made me angry, because he was distant, and mean. In the end, while we were working together, I confronted him about why he was being such a royal asshole to me suddenly. He threw in my face the fact he thought I was a useless idiot, the fact he was fucking one of our mutual friends, the fact he didn't care about me and never did. I threw my fist in his face.

 

I still see him from time to time. It still hurts, and it still makes me feel like I'm not the intelligent girl I thought I was. Despite being smart, I was dumb enough to fall for the lines and the fakery. For the most part I'm over it though. I still hope he suffers, I still want to hurt him, to kill him even. But I won't give him the satisfaction of knowing I'm wounded. Whenever I have to deal with him, I make sure I show how happy I am. Because that's what will hurt him the most. He took enough of my life away from me, so all I can do is show I'm stronger for it, better off without him.

 

Kelly... that's a different story. I never physically met her. We met on a forum back in...2008. She was younger than me, by quite a bit. She was fifteen, almost sixteen, but there was an instant connection when we talked. We'd talk for hours every day, about the stupidest shit imaginable, but we could just as easily discuss important subjects. I found myself waiting for her to log on every day, I was excited to tell her how my day was, to hear how hers was. Just talking to her made me happy. At the time she wasn't really sure about herself. I was the first person she told she was a lesbian, and I felt proud of her. Coming out is a hard thing to do, even to people who are strangers. Not long after that, we had a long talk about feelings, and I admitted how much I liked her, in that way. I honestly felt over the moon when she said she felt the same. And so, we began a relationship.

 

It went south. Badly. She was... unwell. Mentally. She was bipolar, and often made attempts at her own life. I tried to help as much as I could, but in the end, it became too much for me to handle. I was staying up for days at a time, calling, emailing, trying everything just to make sure she was alright. It took a real toll on my own health, it dragged me down. I struggled to work, I struggled to enjoy things at all. I lapsed into a severe depression, to the extent all I could do was lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. I lost my love of music, videogames, anime, TV, everything. My entire life fell apart trying to look after someone I knew I could never truly save. And yet I kept trying, and trying, and trying... until I snapped. I couldn't deal with the pain, the anguish, the hatred. I told her to go to hell. I told her how much pain I was in, how much I sacrificed trying to help her out of love. And then I cut all contact. I don't know if she's alive or dead. I don't care. Or maybe that's a lie... I don't know. I don't know.

Thanks for sharing.  I hope you've realized this already yourself, but falling for a bad person and not realizing it doesn't mean you aren't intelligent.  I'm extremely smart and I did the same thing, repeatedly.  I understand where you're coming from, though, and I wrestled with the same feelings myself, for a while.  Way to go on eventually finding your person, though.  =)



#33 Affray

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Posted 02 June 2013 - 10:40 PM

Congrats Rat for leveling out your wings and not plummeting in to a mountain side.

Madame Rose, I sincerely hope your current situation turns out to be the good one.

 

And don't worry about your intellect, it has nothing to do with your relationship choices.

Even the most brilliant minds can have the blinders slapped on from time to time.

The idea of something great can sometimes hide the fact that what you are working with isn't quite so.


It is perfectly acceptable to fear and admire a being you could not possibly understand.


#34 The Robstar

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Posted 03 June 2013 - 12:38 AM

Wow you guys are real brave for opening up. It's real interesting to read some of the stories that have been posted. I would respond individually to each of the comments but most of the community have been really warm and offered their support and advice already.

 

We all come from different backgrounds but it's really interesting to see how each people have dealt with their relationships and partners.

 

Keep em coming people!!! 

 

I am reading every single post :)

 

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#35 SushiKitten

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Posted 03 June 2013 - 02:17 PM

Rose, I'm so sorry to hear what happened with Kelly. It's really difficult to take on someone else's burdens, it definitely can be too much to bear.

 

Honestly, my love life isn't all that interesting. I had my first boyfriend at 16. He was the one that would always ask me for advice with girls, and I'd help him, only wishing he'd take an interest in me. We experimented a little, didn't go far, and I fell really hard just because it was my first relationship, you know. We were really heavy on the PDA and I regret that now. Three months later, he discovered that this girl who had moved to another school was coming back, one he'd had a crush on for a while, and he dumped me only to ask her out three days later. When she said no, he tried another girl, all the while texting me and acting like he was going to go back out with me again. I never realized it then, but looking back I was pretty depressed for a long time, I lost interest in a lot of things and focused on school up until university.

 

I had a couple online boyfriends. Most of them were too embarrassing . One lead to an awful saga of a breakup and eventual online stalking incident, after which I stopped using my real name and my old username and made a whole new online persona to lose him. 

 

In university I realized it was my chance to mold a new me, no one knew me so I could be who I wanted. I lived in a tiny town at home, so this was my chance to meet people who actually had similar interests. I met a guy at anime club, we hung out for about a month, then I asked him out. I'm still with him now after a year and a half. I mean, he's definitely not the one. We have opinions about life that differ too much for me to consider 'forever'. But I'm not thinking about forever right now, and even if I dread the day it does come to and end, I'm happy right now that that's all I care about.



#36 MrSandman

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Posted 04 June 2013 - 01:06 PM

I had a bunch, but I figured that when I was 21-22 I just said, no more girlfriends for a couple of years. Because from 22-27 are the best years of your man life. And all you do is, party, travel, meet people and only get one night stands. Its a great lifestyle but you can't do it forever (unless you are a boss!) So I got into the dating thing again and guess what, it was great, so now i'm dating a great girl so I hope it will last a while.

 

Can't remember my first kiss, long time ago. I remember the first time I had sex, it was a girl I meet at a party on new years eve back in like 2003? on a sofa, and my friends ran in the livingroom with a stolen xmas tree and threw it on us (fully decorated). She got alittle mad but I thought it was really funny when I look back at it.



#37 Wolf

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Posted 05 June 2013 - 10:41 AM

Wow, we've all had some interesting/crazy stories.

 

I can sum mine up pretty quickly though:

 

Had a middle-school sweetheart; she cheated on me the summer before high school

 

Had a high-school sweetheart; she thought she liked me for my personality, but once she got past my persona she realized she was wrong. She wanted to break up with me, but was too scared at how I would react, so she just cheated on me.

 

Had a cute gamer chick hit on me a year after high school; We got along really well, had similar interests, likes, and dislikes. After about 2 months she told me that she was moving back in with her parents, and they live a couple counties over. Once she "moved" she never answered her cell, and I never heard from her again. Her friend eventually told me that she only said that to "break up with me softly", apparently she never moved, she was just avoiding me. She also got a new boyfriend shortly after moving, so, I guess you can construe that as cheating if you want.

 

I had a couple more "acquaintances" after high school, but nothing to merit being recounted.

 

But yeah, long story short: People who think they like me realize that they don't; then they cheat on me.



#38 Affray

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Posted 05 June 2013 - 02:10 PM

Funny how the people that think they are letting you down gently are the real assholes in life.

It really shows who they are as a person when they would rather lie to you than just say they aren't interested anymore.


It is perfectly acceptable to fear and admire a being you could not possibly understand.


#39 (V) (`m`) (V) ︵ ┻━┻

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Posted 06 June 2013 - 06:30 AM

When I was 16 at my dad's gf's wake, her nephew lunged at me and kissed me.
Awkward as fuck.

I consider my first real kiss to be at 18.

I'd experimented a lot with girl friends as a kid cause I had a wicked bad crush on the chick from Weird Science, but I didn't seriously start anything till I was 18, yeah.
Lost my virginity in a drunken three some with this really hot guy from work and my friend that wanted to screw him too.

Started dating the father of my kids shortly after. 
He told me he loved me and I believed him.
He got abusive and changed dramatically.
Never helped with our son, I kicked him out.

Started talking to me again, I missed him.
Took him to a wedding.
Drank entirely too much, daughter was conceived.

And he's a piece of shit that threatened to take the kids away, so I don't talk to him anymore.
Also found out later that when our son was conceived so was his other son.
Superb.

Started dating a guy WAY younger than me.
He wasn't near the emotional level I was at and he wound up cheating on me as well.

I was honestly beyond devastated when it happened and Spleen got me through it all.
I'll be with him for 5 years this August, and if he'll have me he'll be the last person I ever kiss.


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#40 K_N

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Posted 06 June 2013 - 06:57 AM

Had my first girlfriend at 15. It was awkward, she cheated and as far as I know contracted HIV, never confirmed that, but I never had anything physical with her because I was too awkward at the time.

 

Dated a 28 year old for a while at 16. That was.... weird.

 

Had a series of short term infatuations and a couple online "relationships" if you could call them that.

 

Eventually I started talking to someone I'd lost touch with that I'd met online and discovered we had a whole lot in common, and that she was adorable ( and slightly evil ). We sort of fell into a relationship for a year and a half, had some troubles and broke up over a few months, then got back together and I eventually moved to be with her. I think it's been going on 4 or 5 years now, we just recently moved into our second home together and it will most likely last until one of us is assassinated by ninjas.


Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.